Saturday, December 4, 2010

On Your Mark, Get Set, Plot

Well, month one has just passed. Here's where we are:
  • Have overhauled the spec packs used
  • Have gotten cozy with the sewing girls, who may think I am crazy, but still help me keep track of how much elastic is on hand and tell me when we're running out of snaps
  • Have broken the plotter (not really, but it broke down this week and I felt like it was all my fault...)
  • Have been entrusted with lots of Christmas party planning madness
  • Have learned and been involved in SO MUCH!
I am still terrified that the jig will be up so soon, I will get a 'sorry we don't need you' kinda sit down... I think thats part of the growing pains of being new on the job, newly trained, and still working with the training wheels.... there is the fear that your cost outweighs the pros you provide to your boss while still learning. It's terrifying and frustrating. But then...
  • I leave for Cuba in 12 days for my friends wedding
  • I have the weekend off from my second job
  • I am two presents away from being done both my and my brothers Christmas shopping
  • The owner told me to order business cards
  • The graphics guy is excited to do spec drawings as detailed as I have requested
  • I have started my professional Human Ecologist Designation paperwork
  • I have been asked to give feedback on my practicum experiences to assist in the development of the practicum course within my school
These are all things which make me feel I would be... OK. Fairly safe. A 'real' professional. Maybe these feelings are like newly wed jitters, or like a child entrusted with a new responsibility. I feel like I am maybe just afraid for nothing, or that it's normal. I HATE that, because one thing I pride myself in is casting off fear. This whole lacking confidence thing is so frustrating... someone please tell me it's totally normal and absolutely natural and that I am crazy.

I LOVE my job. That is the best news. The fact that I got here with my confidence and education and experience... fabulous. Not to quote Shania Twain (because I may hate her) but... it 'can only go up from here', right?



  1. I am SOOOOO proud of you, my love. You deserve nothing less than fantastic :)

  2. Sister,
    You are a frontierwoman of the Human Ecology profession. You stand on the precipice of greatness related to our outward human-ness.

    This fear will be good as it will challenge you to achieve the greatness I know you are capable of.