Ach Fiddlestix

I'm Back!

2011-02-23T12:59:00.002-07:00

Right? Maybe. Who knows.

This will be short, and sweet.

New job- awesome. I order things, I organize, I plan, I plot (Oh yes, the filthy plotter has been thoroughly punished for it's misdeeds....) I race around trying to keep all the balls in the air. I have been pushing some of their internet activities- I now head their Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn profiles, so I get to do something fun every couple of hours

Old job- Part time one, at the castle- I have now moved locations, to a mall much closer to work and home. I miss my besties from the old store, but saving an hour of driving each day is good for my outlook- I am much less a cranky bunny. The rub? I am now officially an assistant manager, so I have more responsibility. That said- I get mo money, which is hella awesome.

I am comfortable working these two jobs, while my husband is working on school, working on helping his mom as she gets ready for another surgery (remember last year, when she was in for a month, from a pacemaker surgery? yeh. That one. Again.) and then a month after that, a double hip replacement (because in her case, two at once just seems safer, even if recovery is longer than one at a time according to studies).

I miss creating, and there's plenty still going on up in my head. I will have to make it happen, in some of my weekend days off, now that I get them on a regular basis (another benefit of my new store)

On Your Mark, Get Set, Plot

2010-12-04T22:05:00.003-07:00

Well, month one has just passed. Here's where we are:

Have overhauled the spec packs used
Have gotten cozy with the sewing girls, who may think I am crazy, but still help me keep track of how much elastic is on hand and tell me when we're running out of snaps
Have broken the plotter (not really, but it broke down this week and I felt like it was all my fault...)
Have been entrusted with lots of Christmas party planning madness
Have learned and been involved in SO MUCH!

I am still terrified that the jig will be up so soon, I will get a 'sorry we don't need you' kinda sit down... I think thats part of the growing pains of being new on the job, newly trained, and still working with the training wheels.... there is the fear that your cost outweighs the pros you provide to your boss while still learning. It's terrifying and frustrating. But then...

I leave for Cuba in 12 days for my friends wedding
I have the weekend off from my second job
I am two presents away from being done both my and my brothers Christmas shopping
The owner told me to order business cards
The graphics guy is excited to do spec drawings as detailed as I have requested
I have started my professional Human Ecologist Designation paperwork
I have been asked to give feedback on my practicum experiences to assist in the development of the practicum course within my school

These are all things which make me feel I would be... OK. Fairly safe. A 'real' professional. Maybe these feelings are like newly wed jitters, or like a child entrusted with a new responsibility. I feel like I am maybe just afraid for nothing, or that it's normal. I HATE that, because one thing I pride myself in is casting off fear. This whole lacking confidence thing is so frustrating... someone please tell me it's totally normal and absolutely natural and that I am crazy.

I LOVE my job. That is the best news. The fact that I got here with my confidence and education and experience... fabulous. Not to quote Shania Twain (because I may hate her) but... it 'can only go up from here', right?

Love,

Me.

Explore!!!

2010-11-11T18:32:00.002-07:00

I now have two workspaces:

The plotter room: This is the nitty gritty of my job. The Plotter table is there, a 6x8' megalith which i can move up and down or tilt to my hearts content. It can't plot yet, but it does have many uses:

Spreading out test garments for examination in big flat glory
Holding stuff /papers / other garments when I'm not ready for them at the computer desk
Being a catapult (Haven't tried this yet, but I'm assuming it would be a great game if I'm bored)

The spare room: If any one is a fan of C.S. Lewis, feel free to think of this as my 'Spareoom": a place where work often starts or finishes, but for much of the actual action, I have to head through the wardrobe.... or the door to the right that leads to the plotter room.

I am reminded of so many of the books I read as a child which involved reality, and a place where things are a little bent, a little skewed, and yet all the more real...

It Feels Like Work

2010-11-01T23:43:00.002-06:00

So my job started today. I spent the first several hours going over an ordering system which will be integral to my supply chain management function. This was super important, valuable, and incredibly dry for 8 a.m.! but it was over by 11:15, and I had lunch with some of the other staff, trying to get the lay of the land.

Then I got to start on my office, or lack thereof. Since my position has been created as if from nowhere, there is not a space for me to move into... There is however a big room in the back part of the factory which houses a large pattern printer- it is about 8 feet long, and there is a computer which houses it's software... it's on a desk, and apparently, I sit at it. The printer is loud and the sewing machines clatter along. It's a little windowless, a little bleak, but I have some ideas of how to make it my own, hopefully I will share some pictures soon.

The fun part- I get to print patterns all day, and I will be learning how to manipulate and grade them on the plotter system which goes with the printer. The plotting and designing bit of my job will be basic, but the experience and practice is going to do phenomenal things for my job options down the road. The supply chain stuff will be important for me if I ever do start myself a small business- I will need to know the ins and outs of all this accounting and manufacturing software.

So... How are you?

Open to Experiences

2010-10-27T00:00:00.003-06:00

My new job starts Monday. I am filled with fear, trepidation.

I worry that I will not know everything, that I will be missing key knowledge. While working at my other job, I heard people around me talking about programs that I have yet to learn, things which are important for moving up at The City... Things which I could have learned to further my career with them...

But this also excites me, and gets my motor going. If I am missing key info that I should know, I will have the opportunity to learn. That means that I am still finding something to do, something to jam into my head... If you're not growing, then you must be shrinking away right? Is there such as thing as static existence in regards to humanity? Learning is proof of vitality. People who are 'over' the thirst for knowledge... To me it comes off a bit like giving up. As long as you're pushing forward somehow, then you're making progress.

My new job involves communicating with factories in Mexico. I took some Spanish in high school and college, and traveled in south america, but I am no where near fluent. I am hoping I will have a chance to take some more school, or even some Rosetta Stone self learning to become better able to communicate with my counterparts. Additionally, I want to do some hard core learning of some things which I have not mastered to do with my field- further classes in Illustrator, Photoshop, pattern plotting via autoCAD type computer programs. These are all things which I have worked with for school, but I now have a paying reason to keep my head in the game and my eye on toning my big grey muscle.

Learn Learn Learn. This is my new mantra. Kind of surprising that this still keeps me going, and I am done school.

New World!

2010-10-23T07:10:00.004-06:00

Ok, so blogger uploaded these pics backwards. The blue coveralls are the original, and they look weird and orange when they are post burn. But cool, right?

That's right friends. I fell off the blog-wagon again. I will not be deterred, I will continue on as a fledgling online rambler, if not only for my own ego (or something) but to encourage myself to keep my design directives in mind in all I do.

I was offered a job in my field, and I took it. This adventure begins November 1. Currently I am working with the City of Edmonton, as a 311 operator. 311 is a great service that lots of cities have, they help you plan transit routes, they will help you get your kids into swimming lessons, call out zoning inspectors or advise you on permits, or renew business or pet licenses... anything that falls under municipal jurisdiction is handled at least in the preliminary stages by this call center. It pays well, it's easy, I could probably get on as permanent (I'm currently temporary) and work there or move up with the city and retire and ... be utterly bored with my job. So when I received an e-mail from on of my profs, I was eager to apply, but terrified of getting my hopes up.

The job itself is a mixed bag- I will be taking over responsibilities from the COO and design manager of a small apparel company which is growing, and to encourage that growth, I get to deal with smaller operations related to production. I will be doing a lot of the planning and maintenance in regards to production, ensuring that the spec packs (the information packets which contain all design details to the utmost minutia) are correct for each order, and communicating with the manufacturers in regards to delivery dates and product quality. There's a whole whack of other little stuff I get to deal with, but I will learn and chat more about that when I actually start the job.

It's a way in. It's technical experience related to my degree. My convocation is November 17, 2010. I have beaten the odds to have found (nay, be sought out to fill) a related career building position before I have technically even graduated. It is a matter of personal agency- do I see this as an opportunity, or stick with old reliable- The City and all the security it brings.

My family is a little scared for me. As a newer company, this is not necessarily a secure place for a new grad to be. If cutbacks need to be made, would I be on the chopping block? Maybe. Is The City a better choice in regards to guaranteed wages, the promise of benefits, security of just staying put and be paid more after time because I have seniority? Yes, The City is a safe route.
Recently, my regional manager at The Castle (yes I am still there too, for work clothes discount, the staff, and some money) mentioned that I could have my own store (as manager). I know that there are safe, fairly easy to access options which would provide a more secure position than the one I will be starting November 1, 2010. I also know that I would be capable of running a retail chain store with nothing but my high school diploma and work experience, and the same goes for The City. I am looking for a challenge. Something that actually utilizes my degree, even in the smallest way, or in a way that I wasn't expecting. And I have found that. Whether I work there for two years or twenty, this company is giving me the opportunity to geek out on fabric science and work in the apparel industry. The experience is priceless, because even if long term things don't work out, I will have something to put on my resume which shows I have kept up my skills, and am capable of working in this industry.

The job itself is absolutely an adventure- I am a new addition, not a replacement, and the COO would like to keep building and growing, developing a team to manage the things I am doing, once they get big enough to merit more employees. Until then, I am going to get a lot of experience in a lot of things, and be a scheduling maniac and organizational genius. Naturally.

The pay is competitive- comparable to starting wage at any company here in Edmonton. I am making slightly less than I was at The City, but I don't pay union dues, I get full time hours (I was PT at The City), I will work office hours instead of shift, and I do get benefits after three months. All in all, not shabby for an almost graduate.

The rub: Professional life meets personal: I was not the only new grad who was up for this position. One of my favorite people in the whole wide world applied, interviewed, and was not successful. Sure, I am happy I got the job, but this was not a fun experience. It flat out sucks that one of my best friends didn't get her dream job, not to mention that I did, and that it was the same job. We had to reassure each other that regardless of outcome, there would be no hard feelings, we would maintain that as a professional issue. That doesn't mean the hurt isn't there, that she isn't affected by the opportunity going to someone else. It means she's being strong about it. Which is a lesson I would rather learn with her, together in this situation, because I know we are close enough to muddle through the awkward bits. Other friends I would worry about anger, or pettiness. So I guess that's the bright side.

Anyways, I have to get all fancy for my weekend job, slinging clothes to the masses. Have a wonderful day all, and there will surely be more to come.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road...

2010-08-12T23:11:00.002-06:00

Well, this Dorothy is ready to be home, and she is not wearing any ruby slippers, she just needs to get in the car and drive. Maybe I am not Dorothy, I am on some kind of journey, but it feels more like a chase...

One more day of this world: Measuring, noting changes in specifications, keeping the fit model happy, trying to maintain the balance of just being 'the temp'

It's hard. I think I have had a hard time being the full time temp because when things aren't permanent, I don't sink my teeth into them the same way. Even if it was the BEST peach, if I know I have to give half of it to my crummy brother, then it's NOT the best peach, y'know?

So I have been extra homesick, I have been extra critical of the job, fellow employees, the system at my workplace, without really being honest to myself about the good things. I worked with an excellent team, and fell into rhythm with the staff very quickly, and if I felt secure in my position, I might have thrived on the challenges, the problem solving demanded, the lack of structure and support for matrices and tracking, because all those things are things I LOVE to deal with daily. But when you know that you solve their problem and then walk away, without any of the positive turnaround, without knowing if someone will unhinge all your work, without knowing that the process will be adhered to responsibly, it makes things just seem daunting, instead of hella awesome, the way I usually see challenges. It's weird that I get all jonesed up about organizing things, since I am a scatterbrain, but I also love puzzles, which is how i try to approach these things. I just want people to care about the solution. I guess it would be like giving up a puppy that you took care of- I'm not even going to think of equating it to giving up a kid, because frankly that's crazy (I don't think ANYONE loves their job THAT much and if you do, you have problems!) Since I knew my job was finite, it was easy to just see all these issues as issues- things which were wrong, and not have the time to fix it, and so I just saw it as negative features of the business. I will remember that this was a mindset to make it easier to let go, not a true reflection of the workplace.

I need to perk up my attitude for my return to The Castle (my old retail haunt, where I will be working part time to subsidize my picky job desires). I need to address my current job situation like a puzzle, and throw an amazing solution (i.e.: me) at all the problems (i.e. job openings) I encounter, with killer resume and kicking style (thank you The Castle, for giving me back my discount immediately, so I can rebuild wardrobe).

One person I love told me I look like Mae Whitman from a new movie where she plays a long lost love interest. She and another love interest fight for the spoils. I will turn this short lived job into a scorned lover, a fling that I not only think on, feel motivated by, and unwisely decide determines my whole life's unravelings. I will use this job to catapult to unreasonable successes, unmeasurable in the natural world. I will refuse to become a cartoon gravity statistic, and I will survive, move forward, and be awesome. Mainly I just wanted to shout out thanks for the compliment, because Mae is a fox, and I think I maybe have the hair. I'm feeling a little zany, so this turned into a ramble, a slightly determined manifesto not to give up, but not be discouraged either. The reality is that the coyote has always loved roadrunner, and I will love this job, when it comes to me at the right time. I will keep chasing it, and I will work harder on looking like a superhero saucepot while doing it.

That's all f.olks

Que Sera

2010-08-09T21:16:00.003-06:00

These are a few little crafty goodies I have been playing around with, I bought a felting tool from a crazy quilt shop in the mountains recently, and these are a couple of things I made.... a work in progress, I am sure you all understand... (The one with the word says RUBY, but the camera flipped the image, and my photo editor doesn't have a mirror flip option, so just deal with it!)

I am encouraged in my pursuit of design by several things:

My art teacher in high school who gave many practical job listings which someone could do which involved art- he pushed you to pursue the marketable nature behind being a hippy dippy pie in the sky creative type
Watching FTV and style.com, you learn that designers often dress far worse than their brains create for others- I have the first part down...
I love other things too. Meaning if I don't create the next big thing, I will still find something I love to do (I'm even okay if it takes awhile)
I can (and likely will) jump on board the Etsy train when I finally settle down enough to make some goodies
Some mischief making friends of mine have big plans for a weird creative statement, that I would love to take part in. Think 'Fight Club' project mayhem, but with PRETTY instead of DESTRUCTIVE

What keeps you going? How do you know you are doing what you should be doing?

Back to the Grindstone

2010-08-08T13:31:00.008-06:00

Well. Abandonment makes the heart grow fonder I suppose...But I am back. and soon things will be 'back to normal' whatever that means...

After weeks of working with a design team, here are the things I have learned:

Measuring garments may be monotonous, but seeing things change each time the manufacturer sends them back is in the long run exciting
Different buyers have different expectations from Spec Technicians. Some of them want your feedback on things such as style, colour, relevance to the target customer. Others think they know best and don't care for feedback
Spec Technicians and buyers often don't agree on what the target customer wants
Some manufacturers never listen, never learn, and refuse to improve
Buyers should know their manufacturers, and follow through on canceling when they still have time to buy other product, instead of pushing through product which is not good because they have to have SOMETHING to sell.

It's interesting to see the politics and the decisions that have to be made in order to fill stores with clothes. The ins and outs of the work room, all the people coordinating the shipments, orders, and delivery from manufacturer to warehouse to store, it all is a lot more clear than it was in school. It has been the movement from the theoretical to the real, applied experience.

It has been invaluable. Really sad that it won't turn into something longer term, but not the end of the world, because I have been WICKED homesick and weekends have been spent just being lazy and hanging out at home because it's HOME. I think it has been worse because I get to come home each week. If it was farther, I think it may be easier, because I would get used to being away. Which is why I am expanding my search for textile related jobs to everywhere... if I have to be away, maybe it would be better to be FAR away, and stuck there for awhile.

I know that in order for my career to advance, I will likely need to be away from my world for a long period of time. I know that it will be lonely and sometimes discouraging, and the money will probably suck. Bear and I have not decided whether he would pack up and follow shortly after job is obtained, or if he would stay in Edmonton for long periods, or what may happen. We both know that depending on where this job may come from, and how much it pays, and where he is in school, and everything else in the mix of this, the answers may change. We're jumpers, not planners, so I think that deciding in the moment is just how we roll.

Have you ever lived away from what you consider to be your home, for work, temporary or to prepare for the permanent move? Words of wisdom?

The pictures today and what they mean to me, and my upcoming choices:
1) This photo is full of symbology (that's a real word, it's just a terrible word... but it's an inside joke to me, so deal with it) all that 'it's not the destination, it's the journey' jargon....
2) My bear, giving his best puppy dog eyes. In this picture he's asking for a baby, but its similar to the way he looks when I come home- happy to see me
3) This is from a big long trip I took alone last summer, and some beauty that came out of it: sometimes being away from home is awesome- This photo helps me remember that
3) Some clothes I have made, they are an important part of who I am- I learned some important lessons about my design process with these items. Plus my buddy is pretty gorgeous, no?
4) The wind will take me where it may.

Goals: Blog twice a week- once about design, once about my endeavors to get back on the volunteer train with my old community roots. So I will see you guys soon! (For real this time)!

Looking for my Lilypad

2010-07-14T00:04:00.003-06:00

So. I am working in my field. The position I have is probably not long term, which makes me sad. It is not perfect by any means, but the longer I work here, the more likely I will prove I have the skills to work elsewhere. I am right now working endlessly trying to find my next step...

At my workplace, many of the staff I work with have identified themselves as planners: they like to know what they're doing in advance. If they are going to a city, they want a hotel booked, with a plan of things to do each day and maps of how to get from each activity.

When I try to plan things like this (for myself) I usually do things like: make a big book of all the things I want to see in all the countries I want to see, come up with the schedule, use a back portion of the notebook to record addresses of the people I know and love to send them post cards- basically come up with my own little 'sho.estring' guide...

And promptly forget the whole thing on the plane, under my bed, or in the airport. I talk a good game, and can even plan the whole thing. It's the execution that i fail at. And I know why...
I'm a leaper. My best decisions come out of just GOING. Just BEING. Just DOING. When I sit around and think about it, I get muddled in the many decisions and decide to do all of them, leading to an overstressed time crunch, leading to pretty much NONE of my plans working out.

So I leap. I am Francois the frog. Or Sabine, because that's a way nicer french name in my opinion. Anyways. Back to it- I leap... From one decision to the other. All that matters is that this next lilypad I am headed to happens to be above water for the time being. By the time it starts to sink from my weight, I will be two lilypads away.... And it works, because if I stop and think about it, thats when my world crashes around me.

While discussing this in the design room.... One of the designers told me she was having anxiety just thinking about how she would react under these circumstances.

That is why the world is so beautiful- I need people like her to reign me in, point out logic, reason, all those things which just don't come to mind when I'm sink or swimming.... and she needs me because I bring the whacky, the unexpected, reminding her that scheduling fun into the mix is important.

So I am looking for my next lilypad right now, applying everywhere from the government, jobs in the USA, jobs east and west, and of course some that land me right back in my pond next to my favorite bear (the DH, who I miss like nuts until our weekends of reunion.) Of course, I would prefer the perfect job at a place which works with design, and they're eco, and they're fashion forward, and kind of sporty, and committed to ethical treatment of factory workers in a very hands on way... Whether I will find that immediately is not going to stop me from pursuing every avenue I can find. It's not settling, it's a stepping stone.

So that's my world right now. I will tell you more about my job next time. Sorry I deserted everyone for so long!

P.s> This picture is from last summer. This geese family tends to nest right downtown, and then has to slowly migrate through traffic and parking lots and past countless startled suits to make their way to the river valley where they take their babies swimming... It's so cute, and causes quite the ruckus. It looks like I am not the only one who doesn't plan ahead and things still turn out ok!

Done and Done

2010-06-20T18:24:00.004-06:00

I have finished my placement, 200 hours of my life, most of it in front of a computer.
In the end, my report - the big project of my placement- ended quite well. I had contacted a few folk in the industry and actually got to talk to them about the challenges of their uniforms. I got to speak to people who make the fabric. I figured out all sorts of crazy connections that the makers of Canada's military everyday wear have to the Queen's Royal Buttonmaker (Yes. That's a real thing). I learned all sorts of crazy stuff about regulations and acts and legislation and standards. Boy oh boy. In the end, it was a lot of information to go through, and my boss' and my practicum supervisor all discussed how much businesses could benefit if companies made it a priority to assign workers to researching things. Of course, that's hard to do, which is why I am not getting a job out of this... but my research report looks pretty nice all fancy in a binder, and had some recommendations which applied not just to their niche markets (the big fancy pants industries out east) but also to the other markets they serve: Small based businesses within Alberta and BC need to know about all their weird sales (tonnes and tonnes of serger and sewing thread at $2-3 per giant spool [I think about 10000 m]). I told them about all my friends with small businesses making things like receiving blankets and purses and jewelry- things which need all the supplies they sell. My friends don't come to see the warehouse because they don't know about it. The cheap, easy, fun answer, which also helps market to safety associations and businesses out east? Twitter and Facebook. Ok, I'm not a genius, I'm just 10-15 years younger than they are, so I get how useful it will be. I suggested they post pictures of their customers goods- things made out of their goods. We serve a lot of First Nations bands who buy bolts of beautiful fabric to make dance costumes and flags for their celebrations. We sell high quality dance and athletic fabric for custom dance and figure skating costumes. We sell industrial quality fabric patterns which fit sizes 2 years to plus size (in ONE pattern. CRAZY!) I would love to see the end of all the things I packed up for people. In talking about these things, I think they finally started seeing the relevance of these different networking systems, and have already put someone on staff in charge of getting their profile set up. At least one thing changed from my participation!

One of my personal objectives was to compare the cost of goods to make some garments from this wholesaler compared to the fabric stores I actually used for the garments I made in class a few years ago. Much of the fabric within my site was better quality, and so was a little more expensive, even at the reduced prices of wholesale. Zippers, buttons, thread etc was much cheaper than in the other stores. In the end, the final cost of the garment was 10-15% more expensive to produce, but was made of exemplary goods, so I think my site still came out on top of the fabric stores.

I have a week to myself to pack and get my stuff together for my new job down in Calgary.
Wish me luck!

Decisions Decisions

2010-06-10T14:40:00.002-06:00

Speaking of priorities…

How much loyalty do you have to your workplace? How much are you willing to change your life based on what you want to do?

I was offered a position with a design team for a men’s wear line. It’s temporary, it’s entry level. It’s three hours away from my current city.

The Pros:
• It’s an immediate job, in the field I want to work in, which is notoriously hard to get into as a newbie.
• My parents live in Calgary, where the office is located, so while working the temporary position, I have a place to live. (and my dad will probably change my oil for me… awww)
• One of my most fun fellow students is also working there, and we both have big dreams of working with fun outdoor camping gear etc. someday.
• I would have weekends off, so I would be able to come home to my Bear

The Cons:
• I have to quit my current job immediately, meaning I disappoint some very loved management, and fellow staffies…
• I have to live away from my home, cats, clothing that I know and love
• I don’t get to see most of the people that I know and love in Edmonton, because I will be gone most of the week
• I would be gone during the week, and would very much miss my Bear. We are very snuggly people, and it's very difficult to deal with not being together, although we have done it before, for longer stretches than a week

Then the next issue is if the job turns into a permanent job offer. That takes on a whole different whack of questions: my world is built in Edmonton, so when considering a move, one also has to consider what will not only change, but what will be better, what will be worse?

But for right now, that’s looking a gift horse in the mouth according to my husband (except he is terrified of horses so he would never use that phrase). A job offer, in my field, for any amount of time just days after I finish my practicum is pretty much a picture perfect ending right? So I am (we are) moving forward right now on this, with the intention of giving Cow-town (as it’s called) my best shot.

Oh quandary!

Priorities

2010-06-09T10:54:00.000-06:00

I am the queen of procrastination sometimes. Not because I like to be, but because I find I always tend to over commit, I also get very unmotivated until a few minutes before the end of the game- that’s when I get all inspired and energetic. I find it is also similar when reviewing my daily ritual. I don’t really get going until at earliest 11 a.m. and I am buzzing at the end of the day when I should be going to sleep. I am usually thinking about all the things I want to get up at 7 a.m. and do, but don’t bother when I finally drag myself out from under the covers at 9… One of the things I have put on the backburner of my summer has been a project I promised to do for the HEcol quite some time ago. It has buzzed at the back of my brain for months, and I think that once my practicum is over, I need to commit to getting it done. I am saying this ‘out here’ in the wide world of interweb because it is kind of a social conscience contract: I need to follow through because I told you (all 5 of you) that I would. Where I am working right now I have committed to finishing a project for them with a concise conclusion. No one knows what that conclusion will be just yet, because it is evolving as it develops. But I will finish it, my grade, my reference, and my pride depends on it. I need to prioritize and respect my commitments and follow through always, as if these important things were always on the line, because from the stance of my personal integrity, that is the case. Plus, maybe I will fall asleep faster.

Workin' in a Coal Mine

2010-06-08T23:40:00.004-06:00

Okay. So... Channel the miner within.....

I have been in a mine once - I took a tour of a silver mine in Pitosi way back when I was a barely 18 traveller fresh outta high school. Thinking back on it, or admittidely, during that tour, I was very aware of how differently it must run than mines in Canada, and how incredibly unsafe the practices probably were within the mine. People worked independantly, in their own claimed tunnels, and would blast with open dynamite. The people who survived and made a good living were those who basically lucked out, or got a 'good feeling' for the mountain: inherent knowledge of how blasts would affect the tunnels, a sense of the physics of their operation, leading to continued life. Most chalked it up to leaving cigarettes and beer at the foot of their homage- a shrine of the old earth god in the middle of the mine. The fact that they even let the public into tour the mine was baffling, but was an experience I will never forget.

Now, I am working with the opportunity to help people who already have a tonne of safety on their side, comparatively. The level of safety improvements I can bring involve longevity of wear, the weight and fit of some accessories, as well as the quality of the reflective or fire protective gear provides. It's a big deal, and yet I can't help but feel proud that Canada already protects our mine workers the way we do. We already have put people in a better near environment than many other places do. Go Canada!

p.s. Two posts in one day. Go me!

Today! Good Day! I've Decided!

2010-06-08T08:25:00.004-06:00

I bought some gluten free bagels and ate one for breakfast here at my practicum, celebrating the last two weeks of my journey. So far, I have learned a lot about industry regulations related to high visibility and arc resistant and fire retardent wear. For instance, I have learned that they take quite some time to find on the internet. I did it, and thats what matters. Go me!

My project has refined down, now I am trying to contact the end users of these garments: what do they like, what do they need? what could make it better?

Gosh. I wish someone would call me and ask that about my clothes. Then I really would have no time to blog.

Under the Weather

2010-05-26T12:25:00.002-06:00

Well, as you may have guessed, I am not feeling well. I spent the weekend fighting a vicious cold, and ended up taking a day off of my practicum in order to rest even more. It was a long weekend to boot, so I spent 4 days basically laid up. I am back at it today, but I am not very enthusiastic, it's midway through the day and I am already tuckered out. That said, I did make a really great soup last night, which is helping me through... I figured I would share the recipe so that I don't forget it...

Alex's 45 minute Do Almost Nothing Chicken Soup

Ingredients:

2 tbsp olive oil

3 strips turkey bacon

1/2 white onion, chopped

2-3 cloves garlic, crushed

3/4 teaspoon cumin

Salt

Pepper

2 chicken breasts, chopped into 1 inch peices

3 red potatoes, chopped into 1.5 inch peices

3/4 cup red lentils

6 cups water

6 branches kale, stem removed and chopped to bite size peices

Steps:

Heat pot, and oil. Medium heat my friends. We can't all be heros.

Add onions, bacon and garlic, and seasoning until onions are sweating/browning.

Add chicken breast, allow chicken to brown a bit, cook about 1/2 way through. (10 minute nap)

Add lentils and potatoes, 3 cups of water, and allow the flavours to blend (10 minute nap)

Add the rest of the water, cover and let it boil a bit (10 minute nap)

Add kale and simmer for 5 minutes.

Makes: 6 cups of earthy deliciousness. Obviously, you can add anything you like- carrots, celery, not add the bacon, use different seasoning... there are variations of every thing... but this is what I did, and it sortof made me feel a bit better.

How does this make me a better human ecologist? Well, I am back at work today, and strong enough to survive till home-time, so I guess thats all that can be hoped for in this ill begotten situation. Get it- Ill? I'm Ill, and it's Ill begotten?

Ha! I crack myself up.

Work Work Work

2010-05-18T11:50:00.003-06:00

Alright. So here it is.

I am working in an office of a big-little company. I say that because to be honest, there is a lot going on, there is a lot of work, but it’s fairly specialized- each person is an expert at their own thing, so everyone is in their own little corner doing stuff. There’s around 20 people working.

There is an office, and a warehouse. The warehouse is where they keep all the fabric (drool). They run a by the meter section for small business people (seamstresses and designers etc) and then all the big by the roll stuff is in the very back.

I am charged with a marketing review project. I have to do one big project for my practicum, so the company has asked me to review the markets of Eastern Canada, and then possibly the United States and Mexico. My main sources of information are a few contacts within our suppliers, and the web.

Do you remember when the internet was fist coming out, and people thought- ‘everything is going to be on the web. You want to read a book? BAM, on the interweb. You want to Watch TV? DONE- Next Top Model at your fingertips! You want the regulations for all the possibly relevant markets in Eastern Canada concerning the application of Fire Retardant or Hi Visibility tape? BOOOM. Roasted. Like butter. It’s so easy, it makes your momma look like a saint. (Is that appropriate? Probably not. I’m sorry for the ‘your mama’ joke, but honestly, my posts have been so dry lately. I mean- I told you guys about chicken chasing for goodness sakes. It had to be done).

Yeh. They make it sound so easy. So I amend my statement from yesterday. It is not boring, it is hard, and it is tedious. I find some things which may help us get into the markets, if we find out the markets are important, but there’s nothing really connecting the dots. I hope it will all come together and be fabulous, please cross your fingers for me!

How does this help me as a Human Ecologist? Well, it’s a lesson in hard work for starters. I chose textiles because I don’t think I have the mental capacity to withstand the heartbreak of the social work/psychology/family ecology world. But that doesn’t mean that textiles will always be a bucket of daisies, sunshine and puppies. The regulations I am looking for are out there, and they are there to ensure that people who work in construction, first response, electrical work and elsewhere are visible and protected. The company I am doing the research for is an ethical company that really wants to endorse the safest products. They desire to find solutions that will not just meet requirements, but withstand the rigorous life the garments will lead, and provide the protection until the garment is done with. They work with showing the end user and the manufacturer why their product is the right choice because it will last and will be safe. A lot of other suppliers feel they will provide something which meets the requirement and it is the onus of the consumer to ensure that it stands up. In this way, my work can benefit the people who put their lives at risk for their jobs every day.

So go me!
This is what I’m doing, but I always have other stuff on the go. For instance… I have had some follow up from a couture wedding gown designer who I will be meeting with soon to profile her work in Edmonton, so stay tuned!

Getting my Pheathers Wet

2010-05-17T15:54:00.004-06:00

Things I have learned while working for a textiles supplier:

• Sometimes research is boring
• Becoming competent with technology and specs for technical applications is something I will need to do, even if it’s on my own time.
• Chasing pheasants is FUN

Ok, so here’s the story: The break room is really quite alright, it’s a little boring. Microwave, toaster oven, a direct hot spout so you can make tea fast anytime, coffeemaker, fridge, it’s all good. Spring has finally broken into some semblance of decent weather, and we are hitting 15-25 degrees Celsius most days. So sunshine is my friend! I realized (after my first day of sitting on the sidewalk ledge) that there was a rickety picnic table on the edge of our property. So then I sped towards it.

Enter my daily entertainment.

Each day, I scare two little pheasants out from under the table. I don’t know if they are just hanging out, I don’t know if there is a nest of babies, I don’t know if they’re always different pheasants and Alberta has this secretly huge population of this pretty and kinda larger than average bird. The funniest part is they don’t fly away, they scuttle. They just run to other bushes nearby. I don’t know if they’re like chickens and they can’t, but they look hilarious wobbling about, quite sad that I have disabled their shaded liaison for the next half hour…

How does that help me as a human ecologist? Well, right now, it is the brightest part of my day, I get to relax, I am outside in the sun, and I just mull on the delicious things I am eating. It is improving my near environment, which is what Human Ecology is all about.

I will tell you all more about the nitty gritty of my placement soon!

Cozying up to the players

2010-05-10T00:15:00.004-06:00

First posting in regards to my practicum.

My week was spent in Banff Alberta. I was at the Petroleum Safety Conference. I think this was a great introduction to my practicum: The first day, I was able to basically walk around and visit all the other displays at the trade show. My two 'bosses' were taking care of our booth, or going to the many different proceedings offered: discussions of new safety standards, management issues affecting safety, and more. I was given free reign, to explore. Boy oh boy! Do I have the SWAG (Stuff We All Get) to show it. There was tonnes of goodies; some free samples for cleaning stuff, glo strips (which I attached to my friend K for safety's sake), a level/screwdriver/flashlight, a sweater, all sorts of stuff. Our company supplies awesome fabric and more to many awesome companies, so instead of giving out pieces of fabric, they gave out something which would connect with the people who were at the conference. This is apparently the 'fun' conference, the conference which gets business done after hours, and the morning after to show it. These are relaxed people who also come to have a good time, make some deals over dinner, and check out what everyone has going on at the trade show.

Enter the 'Tradeshow Survival Kit' a branded, pocket sized packet of goodies, free for everyone: hand sanitizer, painkillers, antacid, band-aids, and finger protectors (insert slightly inappropriate joke here). The truth is this: the many suppliers my practicum site uses are present at this show, but are already working and communicating with our site on a regular basis. All the manufacturers who use this business as a supplier were also at the conference, showing their wares, and again, communicate with us regularly. The importance of this conference is brand recognition, having people who purchase from all the manufacturers knowing and equating our company with quality product. They (We?) are there just to be recognized and be present.

I visited and talked to all the different competitors and partners. Most people were super friendly. Some competitors saw my company name and weren't very nice. Some manufacturers were missing information, stuff which I would think was key :
Me: Why would i choose you as a safety clothing provider
Them: Why wouldn't you? (nervous laughter) Uh... I guess we focus on service
Me: (in brain) Wow. That was a terrible answer. If service is what you offer, sell me that, don't just say "why not"... because my thought is "because I want the best, I don't want to catch on fire."

Later in the conference I got to work the booth, handing out our fabulous nifty gifties, I got to lunch with my main practicum coordinator, and unfortunately, turned down a fabulous dinner invitation because of my dietary restrictions (it was an evening meeting at a fondue place. I basically would have been eating a piece of meat...)

The best part of this was the informal conversation I got to have with my practicum overseers. There was no formal organization of my participation, and we had lots of time to chat when the booth was slow. I think it overcame a lot of the usual awkwardness a person encounters in a new situation, before the real work begins. Monday, (aka today I guess) I will show up and already have a rapport with the bosses! Horray!

I camped with my husband and besty for the week, we had an awesome time, I had a rough time keeping my work clothes from smelling like campfire, but other than that it was amazing.

Boy have I missed blogging! Pictures to come!

Like Pulling Teeth!

2010-04-24T21:18:00.002-06:00

Ok. So. I am done all my EXAMS, now just my practicum left.

It seems so easy right, thats nothing. Just a month and a half, and I am home free.
But that seems like so long to me right now. This is what I'm dealing with:

1- The number of years my husband put off school so I could finish first
2- The number of cats we have that I can't be away from for a long time
3- the number of months of an internship with the store I work with now may be able to give me
4- the number of countries I would like to visit if I had the opportunity to go on a trip
5- the number of job postings just within my stores corporate office that I think would be fun
6- the number of months I think it takes (at least) to find jobs within my field of practice when graduated

I am so anxious to be done, but I have no idea what will happen when it occurs. I want so badly to be there already! I want to work work work! Building success starts with a first step.

I still feel far away.

Grad Night!

2010-04-14T14:13:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was my Graduation Dinner, which is more exciting and emotional for me than my actual convocation, which will occur in November. My parents were there, which was fabulous, and I ended up with a whole table of people on my side: my husband, his parents, my sister in law and my grandma in law... It was a big turn out! The food was good, the ring ceremony and pledge of human ecology was good, and I made a toast to the textiles grads, which went... OK. I was super emotional, because I believe so strongly in Human Ecology as a positive approach to the textiles world, so it was a little shaky. I persevered, and here's what I said (more or less):

Good evening grads. I was asked to toast this evening because I am inspired by the human ecological perspective and its role for Textiles graduates. Some may call into question the relevance of the `fashion designers´, the 'merchandisers´, the `museum conservationists´ and the `Interior designers´ within Human Ecology. This is where I feel that it´s important to remind all of us grads where our responsibility lies.

The fashion and design industry has always played a formidable part in bringing about change and social understanding. Think about the feminist movement, and how strongly fashion influenced, was influenced, and continues to evolve based on the changing roles of women.

Consider the landmark awareness campaigns:
The red ribbon for AIDS in the 90´s
The pink ribbon for breast cancer
The live strong bracelets
Campaign Project Red
Each movement is strongly supported by designers worldwide, and is integrally linked to clothing, style, and aesthetic to market these important awareness and fundraising tools. As graduates of a program which fosters the idea of bettering humanity as a whole, we are the new generation entrusted with continuing this support.

As innovators, motivators, and passionate professionals, we are being handed the responsibility to forge ahead into our careers as responsible agents for change.

Interiors minors: you have an integral impact on how people interact with their environment everyday. You can influence peoples ethical choices for design in regards to sustainability, choosing to encourage choices such as LEED building.

For conservation graduates: you are the people who will represent and acknowledge the changes which have occurred, and tell the stories through the things which remain.

Merchandisers and Product Development minors: it will be up to you to convey conscious messages from whatever company you work for, and advocate for equality and dignity from design, sourcing, down the line to delivery to the consumer.

We are qualified for choosing safe reliable textiles in all our endeavors, and this knowledge should not be wasted.

In short, it is our job to work together, and make the world better.

To our families, friends, and beloved faculty members who have met with us tonight: for the past years you have supported and cheered us on through the ups and downs of group projects and unending lab hours. You have watched our projects come together, or be ripped apart. You have seen us at our best and our worst, and now you watch it come to fruition. Thank you so much for your unfailing support, and please continue to challenge us to live our lives to our full potential. Please raise your glasses and join me in toasting the graduating class of 2010.

I toasted the Textiles grads, and a Family Ecology grad toasted her side of the department. It went well, and (hurray and thank goodness!) it's now over.

The next step of the journey is my practicum. The good news for you all: I have to blog at LEAST eighteen times about my transition from student to professional. Aren't you guys excited? Check back soon!

Textiles Full Steam Ahead

2010-04-10T01:49:00.003-06:00

Soooo..... Today is the second last day of class. I worked closely with two other girls on some fabulous papers... and we started to call ourselves the Textiles Team... but when that's on a wiki page address it looks like textilesteam which could also be textiles steam... steam... steam engine.

Like a train. Moving forward.

I Like it.

Congratulations everyone who has finished some big stuff lately- onwards to the next amazing destination.

Putting Stuff in the Room!

2010-04-02T01:21:00.005-06:00

Here are some photos and a link to the blog describing my class where we are building an exhibit about material culture in the home. It opens after the weekend, so we are so tight for time! A few other students and myself decided to do a big push today, so lots of the goodies are in the room. This means I only have to worry about two other projects, dinner with the in-laws and my parents and sister being in town for the weekend.

Here's to making it work!

Spotlight on Sabrina Butterfly

2010-03-15T16:41:00.015-06:00

Photo Courtesy of SBD

This is my first designer interview, so forgive me if I didn't ask any of the things you wanted to know, and concentrated on things I have always wondered about when it comes to the wonderful world of retail, and transitioning from designer to small business owner, and finding balance for it all.

Sabrina Butterfly is a beautiful store located in one of my favorite areas in Edmonton. There is no doubt that the location suits the store, with a small collection of other quaint shops nestled in the north east of our city. What took me by surprise was when I was at Edmonton Fashion Week (way back when) and saw a show of incredibly balanced, innovative and flattering clothing, and did some digging to find out that it was designed by someone right here in Edmonton, and that I had been missing out on beautiful clothes. Even better, the designer behind the line was the first to agree to talk to me about why and how she makes the magic happen.

I was drawn to her clothing because of her historically inspired fashions with sophisticated colour schemes. I queried if this was the evolution of her personal aesthetic or a response to the Edmonton market? (Click on the picture above, it will take you to her blog showing her line- clothes for everybody!)

My designs are timeless, which means I am drawing inspiration from past collections or silhouettes from the past and putting a new twist into them. This makes them feel very classic and easy to wear but yet truly unique with the fabrics I chose and the details I add.
I love many eras, from the 1920s - 60's.

It's sometimes nice to play with design concepts that were once very flattering for certain body types. I am definitely all about fit and making clothing for the average women. I try to size my clothing a little bigger than your typical size run. I feel it's more real.

Sometimes my inspiration starts with fabrics that I have around in my studio. And then I build on that. I tend to buy fabrics whenever I see something I like. I don't usually buy all my fabrics at once for a certain season. I may use it a year later when I see a color trend or have decided exactly what I want to make with that fabric. So to say the least, I have a pretty big fabric collection!

I do have many basic designs within my line, that I repeat each season in different fabrics.
This really helps with designing a collection, as I always know those designs will be my foundation and whatever new designs I bring forth that season will stand out even more. My customers seem to love this because when they do have a favorite pant, skirt or top, it's really nice to have it in different fabrics which creates a whole different look but yet has the same great fit.

I do sometimes draw inspiration from other designs that I see, through fashion magazines, websites, on the street, etc. I will take small design concepts from many different places and compile them into a garment. It's funny because sometimes something I originally saw, which could have been a picture, evolves into something totally different in the end result but yet it started with that idea. So what I am trying to say is it's not like I am copying a design completely I may just take certain aspects of that design and make it my own or transform the idea to make it work with the fabrics I am using.

Designing a collection is definitely the best part of my job, and I wish one day this is all I that I can be doing!

I wanted to know what are her biggest challenges as a small business operator? What are her successes, what makes her keep going? Does she attribute some of this to her Edmonton market? Sabrina also does some travelling sales. I am mystified at how she maintains her balance as a designer, a store owner, a sales person- what does she most enjoy? How does she manage it all?

The biggest challenge has been transitioning from designer to store owner; staying organized with of all the small stuff: including customer requests, items to bring to the store, thoughts I have about merchandising and then taking out the time to go and follow through with it. It's a whole other job!

Managing the store, communication being #1 with my staff, letting them know what's going through my mind and how I would like the store to be run or what sales and specials are happening. All 3 gals who work at the store are really great and definitely each bring their own creative ideas to work. I feel very confident that I can trust all of them to keep the store running smoothly.

And lastly is balancing my time between everything!!

Working in my studio, designing, pattern drafting, doing all my cutting for my line, ordering fabrics and notions, staying organized with the manufacturer....
And all jobs in between that include ordering product for the store, marketing, advertising, trying to come up with my next idea to get customers to come to the store more frequently.

These jobs are endless and it's a day to day process when trying to accomplish these tasks.

I try to make lists, so there are days when I work through them but there are also days when they are thrown out the window because something needs to be assessed immediately.

It takes a lot to have my mind rest and not think about work.

So then I asked her about what her aspirations are for the line and the store…Her goals are prepared, her vision is clear, the spring is coiled, now it’s just time for it to happen…

• To sell my clothing line to boutiques across Canada.
• To develop a solid line and catalogue so I can approach these boutiques in a buying season, to kick start my Wholesale collection…
• To bring my days as a traveling store to an end but then give my customers abroad a simple way to access my line…
• To create an on-line store. (But I would first have to figure out a standard size chart, as my line is pre-shrunk. I would only be able to sell certain garments, that customers know the fit of that fabric.)

Sabrina’s aspirations for her store:

• To continue as home for my clothing line and many other designers…
• Possibly expanding one day, so my studio and store can be all in one location.

Do you wake up every day and feel pretty awesome about making your passion your life?

Here's to my 12th year in design, I am still fulfilling my passion. Back in the Fall of 1998, I started designing my first collection under the label Sabrina Butterfly Designs. I remember how exciting it was to start seeing customers trying on and talking about the clothing. And to this day I still get the same sparkle in my eye when customers truly appreciate what I do and how my clothing makes them feel.

I love what I do for a living.

I am grateful for all the support I have received from my family and friends! It's been a long journey and they have helped me in so many ways along my path.

Because my blog delves into the idea of sustainability and (tries to address at least some) things Eco and ethical, I had to ask what her perspective was on the matter. Sabrina’s business uses Canadian manufacturing facilities. I wondered if she believed this commitment to Canadian manufacturing contributes to some of her business:

I think many consumers today want to know where the products they are buying are coming from and how they are being made.

I believe that "Made in Canada" products are very important to Canadians…Taking the small steps of letting go parts of my production has been hard and a big learning curve.

To still be involved, whether it's someone sewing from their home or having the product made in Canada, is something I can wrap my mind around.

I am a cottage industry.
I have always liked the idea of a community working together and supporting each other.

I do work with natural fiber fabrics but this only includes cotton and linen (some hemp). I haven't gone into organics, soy or bamboo. Love the fabrics but the overhead cost for the small amounts that I use double my retail prices. I try to keep most of the clothing I make affordable, I know there are a lot of designers using these materials but I just haven't found any of these fabrics within my budget.

I try to recycle what I don't use, so I pass on my scraps and larger pieces of fabrics, to other designers who make hats and handbags.

When talking about the other names and goodies in her store:

Many of the designers I first started carrying in the store were friends and fellow crafters, who I had met at through the shows I had participated in. Our lines complimented each other and we had a similar customer market. This was an easy decision to make, as I knew we all had the same standards in quality workmanship and uniqueness.

When I source out new designers today, I look for those same qualities. I also love to find products no one else is carrying too. This is a tricky task. As there is a lot of stores who carry handmade items but many have decided to only carry Canadian Designers. I think this is great but if I wanted to have different designers in the store, I need to look elsewhere. So I look for designers who really stand out with their own individuality and innovative designs. I also look for different price points, to be able to offer the customer different options. I try to keep each category of designers down to a minimum so I don't saturate the store in a one similar product. Plus I want to give each designer their maximum exposure in my small 400 square foot space

Her words of wisdom for people who are looking for this adventure themselves:

My advice for an aspiring designer would be:
• Baby steps are good.
• Research avenues that you can sell your work, whether it be through small or large craft shows, stores or festivals.
• Or if you have the financial back up go straight for some of the independent clothing stores. They are always great supporters of new designers. Some will consign your work, so this is a good way to start.
• Get out there to find out who your customer market is. Sometimes you must flow with what sells best. Embrace those designs as your "bread and butter" and then develop the rest of your line around it.
• Keep an email list, a wise soul suggested this to me and I am sure glad he did. This is the best way to keep in touch with your customers. This way you can keep them informed with what you are doing and where you are going to be next. They will follow you.
• Stay focused, this is probably the hardest part; especially if you work from home.
Goals are important to have. Keep them near, as the quicker you reach them the more positive you will feel about what you are doing.

I think the last point she offered was too pretty to add to this bullet list- its so apt for most of life…
Be patient, if it's in your heart and soul to do this, it will unfold for you in a loving way!

Lots to do!

2010-03-11T23:43:00.006-07:00

Well, this is just a post regarding why people work the way they do.

As I have mentioned, I recently was elected to be VP academic on my student association. I unfortunately had some issues clearing my work schedule, so today was the first meeting I was able to attend of the whole executive council.

There was a lot to go over, and I think my eyes are way to big for my stomach- there is so much I want to do, so much I feel I can accomplish, and so much I think I can help, or change.

Other people on the council seem to be more moderated. I don't know if its personality and they just take things slow, or from being overtired, or just that the meeting seemed like old hat... I am trying to let it make me even more enthusiastic, allow my passion to overrun or at least add some vivid colour back into this crew! We are all working together on this ship and we all have the ability to make it sail, or to make it sink.

How do you develop big vision or inspire big works from people who don't feel as passionate as you? Am I destined to be overwhelmed or burnt out?

I think attitude is capable of changing a situation. Perhaps that makes me an optimist, feeling that believing is half way to doing. I also think that even if it really isn't, at least one person in a collaboration needs to maintain that mantra, in order to provide the vision and inspiration for the people who are more realistically grounded or whatever you want to call it (cynical?)

So... here I go. Being the motivator. Horray Horray Horray!

'I've Had Three R ed Bulls in 15 Minutes!'

2010-03-09T13:22:00.005-07:00

That's not true people. It's just a quote from one of my favorite movies to watch when I need help being motivated. (Kn.ocked Up). I actually think that particular brand of energy drink tastes like cough syrup. If I am going to overload myself with caffeine, it will be with a patriotic slam of Beaver Buzz. Now that stuff is delicious jittery goodness. I am just being proactive with my blog because I have let it fall by the wayside.

So here's what I have done: I am embarking on a new journey of networking and self education. I am contacting independant shops- small businesses throughout Edmonton, to see what makes them special, to highlight why they are the successful little jewels of ingenuity in our little metropolis. I started with just one which really impressed me at Edmonton Fashion Week, and am expanding to hopefully make the interviews and highlights of these stores somewhat of a feature series for this blog. I hope it will be exciting, and even if you're all bored to tears, I am certain I will learn all sorts of goody information. (So there.)

Back to Being Accountable

2010-03-08T11:10:00.003-07:00

So, I have been quite neglectful of this little corner of my world. Then this morning, while walking to my car, I realized that it was muddy and gross and needed a wash. Which made me think... "Wow. It's been almost a year since I started off with my car wash of just water... Go me!" When I am motivated to do one thing, I tend to get motivated about all the things going in my life. The past few months have been spent just treading water, mainly because I was trying to find the balance again, but now that things are in a good place, it's time to be 'Postive Positive Positive!' I hope you will see stuff from me more often, and hopefully be relatively entertained!

I took a position as VP Academic of my departments student's association. Since a lot of the academic issues are handled by profs, I have instead contacted the recruitment coordinator, and she asked me to do a short DVD that she can send out to schools so they know what our program is about and hopefully recruit students. I took several film classes back when I was a psych major drama minor (I know, how useless would that have been!) and am really excited to work on my editing skills again... I have totally twisted the arm of every prof and student I know, in the hopes that whenever and whatever I show up to film will be super... and I really hope I can put the video up here for you guys to watch- how exciting!

We had a stuff swap this past week for our department- Human Ecology students bringing in all sorts of goodies they don't want and sharing them, and taking others goodies if they want them. We ended up raising some money (by donation), and donated more than 8 garbage bags of clothes and household items to The Bissell Center which is a fabulous organization in Edmonton which helps pretty much anyone who needs it. This was a fabulous fit for Human Ecology: A beneficial community minded fund/stuff raiser fits with the Family Ecology side of our program, and the clothing swap fits with the fashion/design/sustainability side. Go us!

One of the classes I am in is putting together a gallery exhibit that challenges the concept of Authenticity: What is it, where does authentic start and fake begin? It's still fairly ethereal right now, but it definitely starts your brain thinking: a knock off designer purse is still a purse, so is it fake? Faux wood panel is obviously faux wood so do people just like the look of faux? This will all be a way longer post when the exhibit starts coming together and I have some artifacts to show you, but until then... just think about it. What makes an object authentic, or what makes it possess it's authenticity?

EEEEK! Project!

2010-02-26T19:31:00.002-07:00

So I did my site visit for my practicum today. I will be working at a textiles distributors, specializing in industrial goodies. I found out some really interesting information, which makes me excited.

They are working on an aramid recycling program for all the specialty fabrics being used for protective fabrics, which is right up my sustainability alley
They don't just sell things, they research the standards and safety regulations of each industry, and then deliver information back to the production companys with not just recommendations, but samples and criteria of what will be best received by that industry, and that set of standards. There's a lot more design than I originally knew.
The Boss (et. al.) thrive on the challenge, it doesn't seem like too much of a boring office job
The back shop is full of FUN stuff: sequined fabrics, reflective tape, embroidery thread, weird ugly clearance 90's workout pant material

Textiles East

2010-02-19T00:29:00.002-07:00

I am escaping. I am getting in my car, with my husband, and running away for three beautiful days.... I have been the ultimate hermit this week anyways...

I have started working on one of my final assignments: a report responding to one of three scenarios regarding the wear and usage of textiles... and I think I am going to geek out and do all three.

Horray for three days off.

Quandry

2010-01-30T22:26:00.002-07:00

How much less
could a use less
use
if a use less
could
use
less?

This is my new mantra.

Love the simple reminder to reduce.

No More Whining

2010-01-29T14:42:00.003-07:00

Ok, I apologize for the grumpy befuddled "I hate big trucks" rant. Today is just a fun catch up posting, about where I'm at, what I'm doing, and how it all applies to *you guessed it* my life as a burgeoning Human Ecologist.

Today is a new day, and I am POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE.
"I have had about three Red B.ulls in the last fifteen minutes."
(Not really, I think Red B.ull tastes like cough syrup, which makes me throw up a little, but I am caffeinated, and I slept through my first class this morning so I'm a little more peppy than usual... thus the run on sentences. My energy drink of choice [or my caffination process when all nighters with energy are required] is a Canadian brand called Beaver Buzz [weird I know, right?] which tastes pretty good, but then I mix it with Powerade and pineapple juice. Pineapple juice prevents your tummy from getting super acidy, which is always a problem when I pull all nighters, and Powerade keeps me hydrated, which is the worst part of energy drinks, aside from all the caffeine, weird colours and crazy ingredients they pretend are good for me but actually aren't. That's my trade secret, so keep it on the down low, but feel free to use it amongst yourselves and your loved ones.)

What am I up to? Well, I have been working a lot, and getting paid, which is fun! I am definitely feeling the pressure of less time than before, but it's not the same as when I worked on the other end of the city and had to drive there for 8 hours after my school, usually short shifts with some really fabulous girls who respect me, and I in turn reciprocate. I am totally trying to study or work on school junk at least a bit each night when I get home. I also have been working on my personal work project- finding a non profit organization willing to accept the 'damaged' goods from our store. Otherwise they just cut them to pieces so no one can pull them out of the trash and try to return them for store credit, and this whole theory makes me sad like a small emo-child in the corner. I came into the back room one day and I felt this huge ball in my stomach as the manager explained that we could prevent the slaughtering of all these relatively perfect goods if only we had someone with the time to make a few phone calls.

CHALLENGE EXTENDED.
.
.
.
.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

I started my mission by thinking about people I know who work with kids etc who would be willing to use the goods. One of my buddies is working with at risk youth teaching them to sew. Her organization doesn't have the storage capacity to take the goods right now, and since her program just started, the kids don't have the skills to rework the goods yet, so my search continues. My next choice was a shelter that has halfway houses which helps youth get into their own stable living situations, because they may need clothes for interviews or special events and they are just the kids who couldn't afford them. Often the items can't be sold because they have been worn and were returned by persnickety customers who were upset with a tiny problem. So they are SUPER nice clothes, but they have been worn. I still haven't heard back from them yet, so I will be moving on to some other groups soon if that doesn't pan out. Who knew it would take so much work to find people who want to take free stuff? WEIRD. But I will DO it.

(and yes, I am typing this all really fast, and feel like I'm talking at a million miles a second. Feel free to speed read to get the full on Alex P. on coffee experience.)

My Gluten Free World has benefited me as I am no longer covered in leprous splotches. This is a vast improvement. I have discovered that usually the only thing I can order at most restaurants is salad or nachos, and if its a pub or cheaper restaurant the nachos are usually the better choice because no one ever orders salad in those places, so its usually brown and gross. Nicer restaurants often have lots of neat options, but I am finding it way better if I just eat at home. This is good for my pocket book, and just my personal understanding of my body. I also use it as justification to have coffee from the green demon more often, because mocha syrup non fat americano mistos are practically the only yummy thing I can still have without a tonne of work. (Except for the gluten free chocolate covered donuts I found in the freezer aisle at the market down the street. I don't really like donuts normally, but these little bundles of joy were the only thing that kept me from having a melt down a few weeks ago when chocolate was an absolute necessity. And PROPS to my DH who went out and picked up a box this week 'just in case' I want more soon. Because he's Awesome. [capitalized for effect])

I am working on a group project related to hollow fiber sports wear, and this of course involves a lot of petroleum and unnatural based fiber usage. This usually makes me upset, because it's hard to think of all the stuff we are creating which doesn't break down and is just thrown away or not used to it's full capable extent. The other side of the argument is that this clothing is technical, and increases a persons comfort and is very appealing for many reasons, its wicking and durable, it makes exercise a more enjoyable experience. Awesome because health and body awareness are important. This particular Literature review has made me a bit happier. On the downside, I'm having trouble finding the exact papers I need, specifically about hollow fibers in sports wear. Since Human Ecology is such a small portion of the University, a lot of the textiles periodicals which may be useful are ones we have to request on Inter Library Loan, instead of having direct digital access. This is so frustrating since they have to ship the papers from whatever library in our network actually subscribes, which takes more time than we have, since we present on Wednesday of next week (EEEK). Wow. I digress. The good side of being really particular about my search parameters is that I am finding a lot of research about specialty fabrics which are being designed to have these technical aspects, but also to provide additional benefits to the environment like being recyclable (WOW) or even biodegradable (double WOW). The research itself is inspiring, because the textiles industry has long been a little behind in being socially responsible in pretty much every way shape and form (ethical labour practices, environmental procedures in development of textiles and garments, etc. .)
It is so good to see that not only does the industry understand that these items will help the world in the long run, but also that they need to be tested and shown to be just as effective as the articles we are using at this time. Because the research will lead to the production value.

OK. So that's where I am. Onward, Upward.

Squeezing Into the Green World

2010-01-18T09:30:00.006-07:00

So, usually I leave my car at school in my parking garage, and use the light rail train (LRT) system or the bus to get around the city. Since I have recently gotten a job, and the LRT hasn't set up that far south yet (to be completed this summer probably) I am unable to do that, since the buses aren't fast enough. This means I drive my car to and from work many days, which is about a 5 minute drive. It's not great for the world, but keeping my car at the school still saves about 15 extra minutes of driving my car to my house, which is across the river.

Sometimes I think the world has become so accustomed to wealth that they now just equate 'doing well' to being a normal standard of living. People don't HAVE to have a truck, but it is a status symbol, a representation of where they are in the world, not caring if it uses more gas in the 20 minute drive home than my little hatchback uses in a drive to Red Deer (yes, Red Deer is a city, it's about 1.5 hours away, and my car uses less than a quarter tank to get there).

Case in point: the parkade I park in is an absolute hazard with the number of exteded cab giant trucks parked within it's walls. They block the driving lane because they stick out so far, and they often take up more than one space in the parkade to protect their precious paint jobs. There is no need for this many students to have vehichles this large, worth tens of thousands of dollars to get too and from school. The attitude that comes with them is what bothers me most. The air of entitlement and lack of common sense and moderation hits home. I also just hate the lack of courtesy to other parkers when they take up too much space. Today, two large trucks were both parked just over the line on either side of a parking space. This is my pet peeve. It takes 20 seconds to adjust your placement of your vehicle, it would take nothing to move over so that you are respecting your own space. These two trucks choose not to, eliminating the possibility of a parking space... except for a wee little car like mine. Now, I can assume that these people were just being negligent and rude, or I can assume they were late for class and so adjusting didnt seem important in the grand scheme of time... Either way, their need to have a huge truck and not be parked well outshone the needs of others, including even common courtesy. So I folded in my little side mirrors and slipped my car into the demi-spot that was custom made for my lil car balancing out the monoliths beside me.

I am hypocritical, ranting about a personal peeve on a page which is meant for eco and ethical ponderings of human ecology. But I can't help but think that this lack of thought for other people may have a larger impact, or reflect the larger scope of things: When a person chooses a product, is it a larger reflection of themselves? Or am I just blowing things out of proportion? The further I write about this stupid occurence, the dumber I feel about how gross it makes me feel, because it is just silly. That said, I just don't understand why people need such huge vehicles when they are usually just getting from A-B, and why these two individuals chose to park so rudely... Do they litter, swear loudly in public places, and unseat the old woman on the bus (oh wait, they don't take the bus... they have the giganta-mobile, my bad). If we cannot deem to take the time to be decent to neighbors, fellow students, etc, how are we to find the capacity within ourselves to be decent to the world, which many regard as a fairly inanimate object?

Pondersome.

And grumpy. Sorry about that. I will be adorable later.

Foot Loose and Gluten Free

2010-01-15T11:15:00.002-07:00

So.... I have been away for quite a while.

I took a job at a store. I dont hate it, I don't love it, but it's still very new. I am optomistic that things will be beautiful there soon, and I will be loved and adored by all (naturally.) I need to increase my communication with my direct supervisor, because I think I haven't made the best first impression with her. I think I need to up my a-game in regards to clothes...I am a little on the casual side for what they mandate... That said, I have been doing well in my actual responsibilities, so I guess that's fine....

The exciting aspect of this job is that they have internships with their design team or buying team for employees. Which isn't that helpful for normal high school student employees, but for me, who is looking for a way to get into the garment industry... Perfect! Now, all I have to do is impress and impact all the management, and everything will be... fine. Right? (fingers crossed)

Since I took that job, I have received maybe 10 calls about other jobs I applied for. When it rains, it pours! None of them has the same kind of career potential, although many of them pay more, so I have been a bit torn. Maybe somewhere down the road I will regret my decision, but at this time, I am just going to stick to the plan.

The other side of my world, personal and internal:

Over Christmas break, and leading up to that time, I had been having really bad bouts of hives pretty much every day. I have terrible food allergies- seafood, nuts, soy, etc, and am quite careful to avoid all of these things. So the hives were leaving me flumoxed. My sister has celiac, and has been bugging me for quite some time to just get rid of wheat because it's likely the root of many of my problems, and I decided that maybe now is the time.

So I am gluten free. I think it's been two weeks. My hives have been steadily decreasing in occurence. Some mornings I wake up and find patches of them, but they are WAY less itchy.

It may be related to wheat, or it may be just that I'm eating more whole and fresh foods. I don't know, and I'm so relieved that I'm willing to stick with it.

How are you?

Good Morning Starshine, the Earth Says Hello

2009-12-31T18:46:00.002-07:00

My dear friend Kelly paid homage to her last ten years with a beautiful review of her history. I could regale you all with all sorts of crazy stories: moving in with my best friend, loving and thinking I was loved, running away, being broken, learning how to sleep again, being manipulated, car accidents, and falling in love with the right person. And really, that was only the first three years... Then there was the past 7 years... 6 years of marriage and one year of crazy fun. Lots of false starts in school and life, getting laid off, and finding out all sorts of cute things about my favorite person. (DH can't get dressed until he has socks on... CAN'T. How cute is that? That said, I brush my teeth with hot water.)

Anyways. I am way too impatient to go over all of that- I am happy where I am, I am looking to be eventually gainfully employed, (two interviews on Monday... fingers crossed.)

This decade has been weird, nothing has gone as I thought I wanted it to. My decade in a nut shell has been amazing and painful. There is no nutshell, its all over the board. This year was hard. I lost my job. My mother in law has been very ill. My own mother is facing surgery in January. My family lives far away, and my schedule has not permitted a lot of visiting with much of anyone. School is really tiring.

So... Good riddance 2009. I have had my fill of you, and I am ready to embrace the new, the foreign, the exciting. I am welcoming it all to me and mine. I am calling success and happiness to my side of the universe this instant.

I am so lucky to have my partner in crime, and I wish everyone a safe, happy, and healthy new year.

Give Thanks, and Give Back

2009-12-22T11:59:00.003-07:00

Well. Don't I feel sheepish. Everywhere I look I am surrounded by giving amazing people, and here I am worrying over the state of my life. It's time to take a step back, think about how lucky I am, and work on making my environment better through working for others.

Lately I have not necessarily been a scrooge, but I have been focused on getting 'the family stuff' out of the way, or under control. I love Christmas. I love the giving that happens (not presents, just the helping and conscientious awareness of what others need). I also love the aesthetic- I don't have a big tree, I have a small wrought iron tree and some green shrubbies, but the white stuff flying outside my window (Oh, does it EVER snow in Edmonton!) definitely completes the white Christmas motif.

That said- the giving and the love and the 'Christmas Spirit' so to speak has not been on my mind. That has changed this week.

Story 1)
This weekend we went to my parents house for 'Christmas' (we have agreed to spend Christmas with one family each year- taking turns) My dad's mom and her husband were there. She has Alzheimers, and has a lot of trouble getting around. If you think there is no good in the world, you have not seen a family lovingly remind the matriarch more than 30 times a day who they are, where she is, that her purse is fine, and that they are there to help. You have not seen a 59 year old man help his mother shower, and then have his daughter do her hair so that she feels special. You haven't seen my rock climbing tom-boy of a sister do a perfect manicure on a shaky older woman who then struggles to open her gifts without wrecking said beautiful nails.

Story 2)
When we left, I forgot my phone at my parents house. I was just going to get a friend who would be in Calgary (a three hour drive away) to drop by and pick it up, but my father (a devotee to the laptop, the cell phone, and as of 'christmas' time a GPS for his car) realized I left it behind, and immediately sent it by overnight mail. He knows that although I don't NEED my phone, I am happier with it, and he is providing that for me. Small, but so thoughtful.

Story 3)
I follow a myriad of other blogs. I love watching people grow and experience their own 'stuff' and reflect on the impacts of those circumstances. This particular story has really touched me, because I feel I am lacking on the giving, and concentrating on the things I need this season. Even if you are not religious, you can see the beauty in the giving that is occurring in this world. For a family living in their car, to be offered several days within a warm, safe, comfortable hotel- with access to showers, bathrooms, conveniences that we in the western world all take for granted- this is a beautiful thing. I follow this blog because I am not particularly faithful, but I admire the people who are, who possess the faith and commitment to live their lives the way that their spirituality encourages them too. I also think it's important to acknowledge that not all people who believe something are crazy zealous 'bible thumpers' or potential terrorists, or loony yogic flyers. Some people just believe strongly and let it guide them. I wish I believed that strongly in something that made me be this good.

4) I stumbled upon this article this morning which astounded me with its beautiful lesson in paying it forward. If one person does something big, and the person who receives that does the same for someone else- HOW much could we change the world? Fine, it may be cliche, and it may already be a movie, but this AMAZING idea can wreak havoc on the cynics of the world. I am always a fairly squishy girl, but this story in particular makes me just cry with happy feelings for these gift givers, and I feel inadequate in my efforts to impact my world in a positive way.

Finanically, my family is struggling, we are on one income, and we have expenses, just like everyone else. That said- I have a home, I have a car that works, I have food in my fridge and even if all of that was gone, ripped away from me- I have MANY people who love me and would fold me in blankets of warmth and love and help me get back on my feet.

So. How does this tie into human ecology? Sure, it's not designing a shirt or testing a temperature or air purity deal. But Human Ecology is a person and how they interact in their environment. How I work with the world, how I impact the world is affected by my choices of giving.

So here it is. I am challenging myself, and others to concentrate on the little things, the giving things, and let go of the petty pesky things which often drag us down this time of year. It may make all the stupid stuff easier to deal with- who cares that your mom mentions your weight or your sister in law tries to tell you what to do when you know you have given back HUGE to your world (even if it touches one person, I know it's huge to them). Call it Karma call it Love, call it whatever you want. Just make it all about the give.

Funny Food: Friend or Foe

2009-12-08T15:49:00.005-07:00

In the search for things green pertaining to Human Ecology, (and all things nerd) I came across these tasty treasures which I think are a perfect analogy for my world view. Thats right, star and heart shaped cucumbers. Not what you would expect in our hi-tech world- you're thinking:

Genetically Modified

Possibly mixed with other animal/plant DNA

Plain old fashioned weird

The truth? Women applied the idea of cookie cutters, stencils, sausage making to the idea of growing vegetables. And what did these little cucumbers do? They adapted. They took on the shape and just went with it. They casually sit in the salad, blythely thinking: "No big deal, I'm all heart." "Yeh, my mom was always ROOTING for me to be a star..."

This not only exemplifies our ability to take something ordinary and transport it to extraordinary, but it shows that things which are natural have the ability to adapt to their environment if it's still a healthy place for growth (do you see the connections I'm making? I am on FIRE!) This thought process could be applied to numerous areas of study, and makes me delve deeper into imagining what people (as natural entities) are capable of.

Edmonton has been hit with an evil cold snap recently (pleasantly veiled as some sort of adventure on my friend K's blog.) and all I can do is think of what people had to endure years ago when they lived here in mud houses and log cabins (with no heat, insulation, sleeping bags of fluffly manufactured fiber, and big winter jackets which have undergone all sorts of sciency warm inducing research and development). We have developed solutions so that we suit the environment we are in. In Edmonton, we rise to the challenge of meeting the cold head on and woolying up to keep our toes! Humanity has the ability to take a situation and adapt to it.

Which brings me to my most important point. We are a fledgling cucumber, stuck in a world of finite resources and an exhausted environment. That is the shape we must mold to. At this time, we are ignoring the mold, perhaps because we don't want to take on the shape, or because we can't imagine the changes which need to occur within society in order to fit it. But we must take this on as a responsibility to our world, and to prove to ourselves that we are as ingenous and capable as we believe.

Ok. So this post is a little flaky, but you can't blame a girl who really enjoyed her semester and just finished two really strenous exams. My sanity is holding on by a thread.

Next week: Why Humanity should hand over their decision making to J.amie S.pears (Come on, a man that can make britney dress like a real person [read: bra, underwear, pants, shirt, and shoes] may be better equipped than even my favorite community organizer [rhymes with yo-mama].)

So I've been MIA

2009-12-04T22:15:00.002-07:00

Things are good here, they're just busy. My world is full of school. I have not written but I have been reading all the blogs I usually do... But school has been eating my brain. I am so close to being done I can taste it, although it's really more than 6 months away. That said, I'm getting antsy to be truly finished. There are things which I have been discovering which make me even gladder that I have chosen this vein of study:

We get a ring. Everyone who graduates with a Human Ecology designation gets a little pinky ring to denote our chosen profession. It's for everyone, and it means something. It's not a fancy ring, and it's not all "one ring, to rule them all" with fighting and scandal and only going to those who have the highest GPA, it's something to create the tie between all of us little undergrads to show we all have something in common- the desire for the greater good an all that. I suppose. Ok, so now I'm making it sound all culty, but really, its just a fun (and serious) little memento. Check it out here.

Alright. So now that I have done my plug for the life of a Human Ecologist, here's what I've learned recently about the rest of the world:

Not everyone knows what a dutch oven is.(Not the pan. Something different) Google this, it's funny. But never do it to someone you love. In fact, it may be the best way to show someone that you no longer love them... (Just kidding. Maybe.)
Sometimes people don't pull their weight.
Sometimes it's better to just accept that people don't pull their weight, and move on. The project turns out better with as little animosity as possible.
Being a grown up means taking ownership for all the things that you used to shove under your bed as a child.
Being a grown up means you take ownership of all the other stuff too.
When people are in a bad mood, its a fabulous time to ask them what their favorite animal is and then act it out in interpretative dance.
Christmas movies are always a good idea.
If I ever teach a class I will not make everything worth 5-10% so that no one ever has any idea how they're doing the whole way through.
If I ever teach a class I will not make the 30% paper due a week before the 40% exam. That means 70% of my mark is hanging in the balance.
I still love to act crazy and run off and do weird stuff, even if I'm not a kid, and that's why life stays fun.
Sometimes the best days involve sleeping bags and nuzzles with your family.

Well.. I hope to do some serious Human Ecology delving over the winter break, because I start a class where we have to blather on about feelings and how they apply to Human Ecology process, so I may as well get started. So I hope to see a lot more of you!

Cheers!

My University

2009-11-18T09:34:00.002-07:00

So. It's been awhile. Things are a little crazy here, but lets just give a quick shout out to green initiatives happening in my school and city.

Edmonton has a ReUse Center: a shop which sells all sorts of odds, ends and awesomeness donated by local businesses which are sold at super low prices to teachers, community organizers, or whoever wants some neat 'stuff'
U of A has several bins in normal eating areas which collects all organic waste (ie bones, leftovers, paper, napkins, pretty much all your lunch garbage that isn't plastic) and they compost it and use it for agricultural stuff (ie. research)
U of A also has a "reusable plate" service where you can rent reusable utensils instead of getting your lunch in a box or wrapped in plastic.

That's all for today folks. I will try to write more soon!

My Green Initiatives

2009-10-30T00:09:00.004-06:00

Corporations everywhere are not the only groups who should be scrutinizing their usages, attempting to reduce their carbon footprint, and other environmental impacts. I think that even though the recession is "over" according to some, a valuable lesson in paring down and keeping things genuine and real was learned in the past few years. Here's my list of things I am doing to reduce my impact, stretch the dollar, and be a little more real:

Making Christmas and or Halloween crafts and gifts out of scraps and outdoor goodies you gathered yourself
Attend (or better yet: plan) a "stuff" swap- recycle fashions and goodies that you don't need/want/or fit anymore, because someone else may be able to love it more than you once did! (Often these are planned with a $10.00 fee to participate, going to charity, and you can bring and take as much as you want. Everything left over gets donated to a charity or second hand store)
Use hard biodegradable soap in your bathroom instead of liquid soap with disposable plastic containers (which often are not qualified to be recycled). If you use a refillable sort, purchase the soap in recyclable soft plastic bulk container
Switch to biodegradable soap in your wash. Often these smell better, are gentler and clean just as well as regular detergent.You can also use a lot less than you often do!

Ok. Well. Short and sweet. Tomorrow I go looking for a place to do my internship, instead of my boring one here in Edmonton. Wish me luck!

Dream Home

2009-10-28T11:09:00.005-06:00

As indecisive as I am, I at least know that someday, somehow, I would like to have a home which reflects me and my stylistic choices (read: modern, simple, low key). I also understand that the chances of me finding something perfect is unlikely unless I build it myself. Or pay someone to build it for me at least. But I will not likely have the money to pay a fancy architect to design a whole house around me, nor would I like to spend that much time with such a type A personality as many architects tend to be (I wrote all, then remembered my friends moms original profession, and so changed to many; I can't over generalize...). So. Where do I go from there?

Lucky for me, the modern housing movement has provided tonnes of choice for people who want clean,(sometimes) green, cheaper than building from scratch type housing. While my location (read: occasionally, no scratch that, frequently disgustingly cold Alberta, Canada) means I have to do a lot of research to find houses which will meet my insulating needs, all is NOT lost! This may actually make things easier since I am able to readily dispose of many of the choices available simply because they do not cater to my climate.

Me and my husbands top choice at this time:
The amazing FlatPak. I drool when I visit this site, and love the flicker albums of proud home owners. The approachable rhetoric within the site's FAQ and explanations is inviting, and creates a rapport (with a website... Crazy I know.) The fact that FlatPak is versatile and changeable is part of what gets me excited, because I don't want a house which is exactly like everyone elses, which is the downside to most modular homes.

Second on my list, and mainly due to not having that choice attached:
The Royal Q Series. This Canadian made company certainly offers some beautiful structures. They also have the more traditional modular spaces, but this line of cabins and urban options are quite attractive.

I really admire the m-house which utilizes every nook and cranny of space, and is really cute, but I really desire to have something slightly more open and house-like- as if I was living in a house.... I live in a 500 sq ft loft right now, and the layout for this 1000 sq ft. model doesn't appear much different.

If people are looking for prefab choices for their main home or for vacation homes at their local lake or acreage (I give them props for reducing their carbon footprint by staying close to home!) I suggest these two sites for linking to many different prefab companies:

Fabprefab list
This is my top choice, because it seems to have chosen only the best of the best.

This summary definitely provides a broad overview of many different designer styles, just helping people get going in the right direction.

The secondary portion of this post: do we really need more buildings? There are many places here in Edmonton which are basically abandoned, zoned for business, which would likely be really interesting conversions into single unit or multi-family homes. Yes, they would be industrial and weird and not every ones cup of tea. But would it be better to convert these buildings rather than increasing the urban sprawl and developing yet another piece of land into a residence? Would the amount of structural changes needed cost more than just building new with the innovative choices available from some of the above websites? What if we started using disposed goods to make more things? (If you visit nothing else, visit this link. It's the funnest.) Or would finding ways to use these goods be more work than what is saved?

I could digress further into the cyclical state of our world and waste, and how to solve the ever mounting problems. Instead, I open the floor to you, readers. What's "better"? New green housing, or converting an exsisting space into desired housing?

Edmonton: Green, or greenwashing?

2009-10-26T16:25:00.004-06:00

How many people can say that their city puts their normal residential garbage through a giant composting center before going to land fill? I don't know the answer to that, but within Alberta, the answer is almost a million... Which begs the question: How many people actually know what happens to their garbage, aside from it being collected every couple of days?

I am lucky enough to live in a city where recycling is included in my taxes. That means all I have to do is put all paper, plastic, aluminum and other recyclables into a blue bag, and it gets sorted at a recycling center.

Like I alluded to in the first paragraph, Edmonton composts all garbage sent to their facility. They also manage one of the most advanced recycling and electronics recycling facilities in North America. I am happy to live in a community with a progressive stance on sustainable living. Out off all our garbage, only half ends up in the landfill. Last year I wrote a policy proposal to institute the use of biodegradable utensils and take out packaging within the city. This would likely reduce the amount of plastics remaining in the garbage system, reducing the amount of remaining waste to between 25-40%.

That said, problems are present. Currently, the industrial composting system has regular outages, when all garbage is rerouted directly to the landfill facility until the system is running again. This means that for what could be weeks at a time, our supposed amazing facility is down for the count. When the last assessment was done, there was the suggestion for a complete replacement. This was unfortunately not done, and as such the whole waste management process within Edmonton is hit or miss.

That doesn't stop Edmonton from propping themselves up whenever possible, touting their amazing feats of green. We have a parks space which is more than 17 times larger than Central Park in New York. While this is admirable, and I have recently come to realize just how special Edmonton is, Edmonton also has a responsibility as a progressive city to admit the issues which are present, and address how the city will tackle the challenges in the future.

I am excited to see what the ideas are, and how I can help.

My buddy Jodi

2009-10-23T22:14:00.004-06:00

So. I am tooting the horn of my excellent education: The Department of Human Ecology finishes ones incredibly well rounded education with a firm dose of reality: a 6 week practicum within a business, government agency, non profit organization related to your chosen field of interest, and uses it to make sure you have something recent and relevant to add to your CV. Not totally necessary for an old cat like myself who has some generic office work already under my belt, but it also gives people a great starting point for a master's thesis... Case and point: Jodi!

Jodi came back from Nepal motivated, happy, experienced, and ready to educate all of us on how every choice we make can help or hinder. Her discussion over a lunch of grilled cheese and fries was much more relaxed than the interview provided in the link, and attentions were split between this experience and her recent decision to marry the love of her life. Her words regarding the poverty which she encountered had an impact which brought me back to my desires to live simply, ethically, and happily.

I know that globalization has brought us all closer, and there is no way to go back to each country producing only for itself, which I don't think ever really happened anyways. But historically speaking, most people were able to trade or bargain and receive something with relative value compared to what they were providing. At this point in history, the glutton in us is not playing fair with people in a "some food is better than no food" situation. I would like to one day own a business, and I want to do so without pulling the wool over the eyes of someone less fortunate than myself. I think of it this way: The only reason I am in my shoes and not making them is a twist of luck. If I keep that in mind, perhaps I will be a business person I respect, and who makes an impact on the way things are done, even if just in my chosen corners of the world.

Jerry McGui.re had an epiphany about becoming the type of agent good athletes deserve. He found a passion for something he was good at, and revelled in that passion, not the money he made. This is what life is all about. This is why people endeavor to DO things.

Please. Think about who you are, who you want to be, who your kids would have been if they were born to someone else across from where you are in the world right now. And begin to do right by these people. By these people, I mean all people. By the people who you live near, who need encouragement to make smart choices. By the people who live far from you, who cut the threads from your jeans before you wear them*. By your family, who deserve a you who makes responsible decisions. Do right by yourself- you deserve to know you make a difference. You deserve clothes made by people who got paid a living wage. Make this world less of a consumer driven machine, and revere it's natural beauty and potential.

Viva Fair Trade!

*See this movie. It is amazing, and makes you realize that things here may be cheap, but people 'pay' for low cost clothing.

Time For Change

2009-10-18T21:08:00.002-06:00

Reflection brings personal scrutiny. Scrutiny brings about a personal needs assessment. Personal needs assessment leads to action plan. Action plan leads to acting on plan. Action leads to results.

Wish me luck.

Death in the Time of Cookies, and other comedies.

2009-10-17T17:45:00.006-06:00

I went to a movie last night. Me and some fellow students went to a delicious new movie about roller derby. That's right, W.hip It. It was amazing. I am not a lover of girly movies just because they're girly. I like movies that last in my mind. Ones that say something real. This particular movie was a great example of such. There was some feminist rah rah go women message mixed in, but it was done in a very tasteful way. It did not overpower the story, and the story itself was sweet, and not as altruistic and perfect as most other girly movies. It wasn't good because the main character wins everything shes always dreamed of, manages to do it all, have her cake and eat it, get the perfect boy who makes everything work just right. It was actually perfect because many of those things weren't there, and they weren't necessary. And that made it awesome.

In real life, the occurrences which often make us happiest are not often the ones we were planning. They are the anti-obvious, the strangest, most peculiar endings to the story. This is what gives people the motivation to take chances, open up to new ideas, embrace the world outside the safe zone. It's the knowledge that sometimes the rewards are intense, and well worth it. It is a bizarre experience to know that you feel incredibly pulled in a particular direction when it is in exact opposition to your nature. I, for instance, was certain I would never decide to get married, and was not looking for any kind of relationship. Then at 19, I became friends with my husband through school. One day, while discussing my desire to move (to a different city eleven hours away) with another friend, I mentioned that I knew I would always have DH in my life; I expected that most college friends would eventually fall out of touch. When she looked at me strangely, and asked why I thought that he was different, I was at a complete loss for explanation. I wasn't particularly better friends with him than others within our group, and he was seriously dating someone he had met in high school. There was no romantic intention behind my statement, I just knew that he was a friend... forever.

This tendency to jump in with both feet to strange situations does of course also put us at risk for failure, loss, and brutal rebuff. I think the soul is far more fragile than our physical body- the injuries we receive to our heart and mind will never fully heal. The scars we get when we fall down on our knees are far stronger than the scabs which will always be fresh and bruised on our souls. I have realized that over the years I have lost some people who I counted as desperately close friends, and this loss makes me judge myself more than any other criticisms I have received. I never want to experience this loss again, and I am driven to reflect this commitment through my actions with friends I have now. In that way, sometimes the things which cause us the most sorrow are the experiences which make us the best versions of ourselves. These hurts and losses are what make us feel empathy, allow us to make better decisions in the future, and inspire us to move on.

I'm sure it may be noticeable, but I will say it: I have entered a phase of melancholy. This is not a mood I dread, I am able to moor myself to my deepest truest feelings when I am reflective and a little dour. It's not depression, or unhappiness, but a quiet reserved veil where I see things not in the fun, fast, instant gratification way that I usually do. I think this reflection and evaluation may make me more capable as a human ecologist, as I possess the will and desire to do better, to be more, to fully represent my true personal self. This is an inspired and creative time. I think it's kind of what the government tries to make a person feel with their crazy intense 'join the armed forces' commercials, where everyone looks a bit misty eyed and very patriotic, flags waving in the background. Since I have no intention of feeling passionate about fighting fights I may not agree with, for a government that makes a lot of bad choices, I will use this strange, perceptive, quiet time to watch for some mysterious and beautiful opportunities to act upon.

Vancouver, Mommies, and Thanksgiving

2009-10-13T21:53:00.002-06:00

Yes. Canadian Thanksgiving, my birthday, my friend R's wedding, my trip to Vancouver all occurred this weekend.

First: My Mother in Law is out of the hospital. The doc's sent her home because they need her to eat, and hospital food is the pits. So now it's her job to eat things, and if her infection flares up again, she may have to go for IV antibiotics by day. Best news ever! Or at least the best we could hope for, at this time! Hip Hip Horray!

Wedding: Funnest ever! Pictures to follow! Drive took forever, so we missed the rehearsal dinner, which was no fun at all.
Birthday: Funnest ever! Drove all day, but then after missing the rehearsal dinner, got to snuggle with husband, sister, and her boyfriend.

Mom #2: Got a text message from a long time friend that she had her baby the day of the wedding, a day after my birthday! was SOOOO excited that everyone is safe and happy!

Thanksgiving: Sis is a celiac vegitarian, so she made us some awesome gluten free yam/squash perogies, a crazy awesome pair of wheat free chocolate cakes (hers was soy based, I am allergic to soy and so mine was made with dairy), and delicious salad.

Mom #3 On the way home, we went through Calgary. My mother was so sick a few weeks ago that she couldn't make the trip up to see my brother and us in Edmonton, and so she has been a little down. She found out that she has gall stones, so she is either going to have surgery or other treatment, but until then she is stuck being quite uncomfortable. So that's mom #2 stuck under the weather. When we showed up at her house, my dad having kept her awake and hour and a half after her normal bedtime, she cried and was all snuggly. She told us about

Mom #4: Cousin who had been told early this year that she would be unable to have a baby. She gave away all collected baby clothes etc. A few months later, at a normal physical, her doctor asked if she could be pregnant. She explained her medical issues, and then her doctor proceeded to do a normal ultrasound for routine check up stuff. And then he, the nurse in the room, and my cousin cried as they celebrated the impossible together.

Now that the wedding and my midterms are over over, I have been going over all the e-mails between my dad's brothers and sisters regarding the future care of my Grandma,
Mom# 5, who is delving further into the labyrinth of dementia caused by Alzheimer's. They are attempting to make a sound reasonable decision of where she should be placed to ensure that everyone is able to visit, and how to prepare to make her quality of life as positive as possible. I am so impressed by how loving they are, how amazing my family is, how they all pull together and try to be unbiased. I was particularly touched by my new aunt, who has only been within our family for 2 years, who has only recently become a Canadian citizen, from Chile. She sent out an impassioned Spanish letter stating that my grandmother would surely be well taken care of by herself in her and my uncles home. The fact that I am the only family member with a reasonable understanding of Spanish made it all the more amazing.

I guess those are the things I am thankful for, the things I love, and the things which make me certain that I want a profession which engages my heart and my brain.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

So Speaking of Communication

2009-10-05T20:00:00.003-06:00

Alright. So. Apparently I put my cranky pants on this morning, and stirred up some trouble on my friends blog. Perhaps it was only between me her and the wall, but perhaps I should have kept my thoughts to myself.

I am a fiercely typical indecisive Libra... I tip my brain from one side of the issue to the other, and when I read something which seems to ignore the possible aspects within the story, it usually irks me. I feel like it's not representative.

So when I recently went on my friend Dear Fitz's blog and read her latest entry, her small aside where she calls crazy brain on Jenny McCarthy... made me annoyed.

Sometimes things are better left under the rug. It had nothing to do with the rest of her well written article which I agree with pretty much orgasmically (Yes, Fitz, that was for you, so you can snicker all you like). The scary right wings always find weird ways to make protecting yourself or young women some sort of pulpit to preach ignorance, and a recent death from a reaction to the HPV vaccine sadly bolsters their argument, however crooked. That's bad news bears because all those things that people have been fighting for for years- equality, relevance, choice, safety, kindof get squished in the name of pious righteousness. I just thought that it was fair to ask for representations of why she thinks all vaccine haters are crazy. She responded to my response, and I responded in kind. We may have been heated, but we are very close and I am usually just saying stuff to drive her crazy. I don't think that shows well in blogspeak.

The thing I find interesting is that its the most fun I have had on her blog in a while. It was rich with ISSUE, and debate, and made me want her to write MORE goodies about how the state of the world rags on the common woman. Commenting is what you're supposed to do! I think it generated more comments than usual. So perhaps stirring the pot, on the internet, for funnsies, when all I'm asking for is a fair balanced review of the MANY opinions on the matter, is a good thing... right?

Whatevers. Fitz I love you and you know it. But I don't think I'll hold back on your blog because I think it's good for you.

By the by... my MIL is doing ok, but not awesome. It's all very uncomfortable, but I am staying positive. Thank you for the loving words all.

The Message and the Madness

2009-10-02T23:19:00.003-06:00

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Simple, and not always possible. Great advice for children, until they get old enough to learn that tact isn't lying, it's not covering your true feelings, it's not hiding it all inside. It is finding the most sensitive way to convey a message.
Some people just don't learn that lesson.
For instance:
After a woman has been in the hospital for weeks, and has been in isolation for days, and you as a physician find not MSRA, but an equally icky Staph infection, you review her file and find that she is allergic to all antibiotics. You ensure that you and a colleague agree: that her only courses of action are to die, or take antibiotics which may kill her anyways, and have a minimal chance of recovery.

When delivering this message you:
a) sit at her bedside, and discuss the issue since she is a nurse and is well versed in her medical history and the issues at hand
b) stand 10 feet away in the doorway of her room and say "You can go home and die, or we can try another antibiotic you're allergic to and run a lot of benadryl. You'll probably still die
c) ask the patient if she really is making a good decision even when she agrees to treatment after delivering news via option b).
d) dance a jig and then pee on the floor

If you picked C, congratulations, you're the worst person imaginable, and the evil doctor my MIL faced ALONE, at NIGHT. I find you vile, and I might consider telling the medical board that your complete lack of bedside manner even in the literal sense is so abysmal that you absolutely should not be allowed near conscious patients.
Even the ugly truth can be easier to handle with some sensitivity and understanding.

On the upside, my MIL didn't really think that the "choice" offered was a choice. The drugs leave her doped, and she has some breathing issues and itching, but the antihistamines seem to be keeping things at bay. She is eating and keeping food down. Between a slim chance and no chance, why not gamble, when the payout is LIFE. It is time with her granddaughter (my amazing niece), her husband, and her children. Before this issue, which was meant to be a simple battery change in a pacemaker, she has been through far worse. She has faced cancer three times, and even when things are dire, there is no quit. Perhaps this knowledge- that things have been bad before is what gave her the courage to choose the gamble. I suppose this is what brought the second question from the doctors, who have only seen her be in pain and ravaged this one time. They obviously don't understand the love and tenacity that defines this small beautiful woman that I am happy to call Mom.

Booo Hiss

2009-09-27T18:06:00.002-06:00

My mother in law has been in the hospital for a few weeks, following a barrage of complications from surgery. My Husband and I have been visiting her, like the rest of the fam. At this time, a patient she shares a room with has been infected with MSRA staph, which means we can't visit her. This form of staph is resistant to pretty much everything, so it's up to the human body to fight it off, with antibiotics usually assisting the body in fending off other bugs which may be attacking at the same time. As it is, my MIL is only able to use 3 types of antibiotics, as she is allergic to all, but can use these with a benadryl drip at the same time. We basically have to just hope that the infection will remain only with the other patient in the room. My family was in town this weekend to visit, and so DH and I haven't had the chance to see her, and now will not be able to until this all blows over. My school week is basically a gong show, and planning for R's wedding is also taking up time... How does Human Ecology relate to this? I guess it's my holistic approach to life. I am feeling stressed but calm. Take things one at a time, and do what I can. I cant change some of this, but I can change how I accept and perceive all these challenges.

Working with my hands. And the green eyed monster

2009-09-19T17:21:00.004-06:00

So it's Fashion Week in Edmonton! Don't be surprised if that shocks and flummoxes you. It's not well known. We're a big city, and we are obsessed with festivals, and fashion is no different. Is ours run by a large marketing conglomerate like all the others? No, ours is run by a local who spends her life planning and executing. The execution of the show is... debatable. But it makes for a good time. Find out more here.It's the most affordable fashion week I know of, it costs very little to show a line, and does provide some legitimate press for the designers. As an former volunteer, and as a girl who attended with some besties last night, there are a few things I have learned

1) I would like to show something at some point but only if
a)my work was clean and finished looking
b)my line represented one theme
c)my clothing was representative of an original viewpoint
d)all my models were wearing tights or shorts if in shorter clothing, so the poor audience doesn't get a full monty every 30 seconds

2) The marketing may not target the younger fashion oriented within Edmonton, and instead seems to be about marketing the show towards developing professionals in the industry. This means everyone within the fashion world in Edmonton has heard of it, and few others.

3) The humbler the designer, often the better the clothes in regard to fit and completion.

4) Sometimes smaller low budget affairs lead to entertaining "The O.ffice"-esque moments, which make the entire evening worthwhile.

5) When distributing prizes, don't tell the "chic new york designer" (read: U of A grad who moved to New York and has made some dresses... but not a tonne of commercial success)to call up "a bunch" of girls when you only have a "few" prizes. Hmmm. Akward.

How does this relate to Human Ecology? Well, program planning, marketing, and fashion are all really important to my personal interest in the field. It's the weekend, I know I'm kinda phoning this one in, but it's only Saturday.

Bad News Bears

2009-09-17T11:56:00.005-06:00

Canadians tend to regard themselves, purely anecdotally as peace loving, nature geeks who are more socially accepting and better educated than our Southern kin, the Americans. When actually reviewing my provinces recent news, I find myself sorely lacking in evidence of such. Most of the news which trickles up to Canada is, let us remind ourselves, anecdotal, or the dregs of the media machines which will talk more about the scandal (read: murderous politicians, drunk reality stars, and sexually confused Evangelists) because of ratings and the almighty dollar. Of course we Canadians aren't going to hear about the good, fair normal people within the States, they don't make news. When speaking with and getting to know many Americans or people of other nations, rarely do I think to myself "gee, hey, I'm obviously better educated."

Recently there has been a tonne of bad press within Canadian borders which boils my gravy... (yes, that is a strange analogy, but I used so many in my last post I feel the need to add at least one to this one.) We just yesterday had a well known politico charged with drug possession and drunk driving. Our governments appears to be operating quietly and sneakily, and has changed many things of late which affect people close to my heart. These are not the issue at hand, but I hate to say it- we do just as much stupid stuff as any other place does, and there's far fewer of us to share the blame.

For instance (and down to business...) This summer, my province was responsible for ending the lives of twelve black bears who had begun regularly eating at a town dump site. Read the full article HERE . The gist? Bears find garbage, bears eat garbage. People shoot bears. Instead of
1) installing bear fence
2) assessing danger
3) tranquilizing and relocating bears
(all of these are ways I have heard of dealing with these animals) instead wildlife officers killed them the day of initial assesment. They did not even bother to review the current situation so that it could be prevented in the future.

Why is this of interest to a human ecology textiles student?
Human Ecology approaches problems with a solution/outcome based attitude. When looking at the choices made, or choices which will be made in the future, one should consider possible outcomes. I understand that these bears may have been in a habituated state, but what brought them to this level of dependence in the first place? Oh. People.

Humanity is imposing upon a lot of this world. We are sprawled out, and cover a lot of territory. Our policy for living here should reflect this. The town in question is dependant on many different levels of government to provide for their needs. Although this landfill may be maintained by municipal funds, it is important they also have access to the necessary assistance to keep humanity's "junk" out of the rest of the worlds relatively natural flow.
One note I find particularly troublesome:
"...Fencing the dump wasn't an option either. "Once bears are habituated to a site, they will break down fences," [Sustainable Resources Development spokesman Dave Ealey] said. "We don't put up bear fences. That's something that municipalities can do if they feel it's becoming a problem."

Well. That answers that. I wonder if the big flashing light of irony was going off in his head as those words left his mouth. Killing 12 bears in one day isn't evidence of a problem. That might be silly. This couldn't be the inevitable end to this issue again several months down the road... That's just... Oh, wait. LOGICAL.

Human Ecologists take classes which yes, help them plan events like weddings, quilt shows, or literature conferences. We also study government and programming policy, to foresee and prevent possible issues. Human Ecology also understands the world as a cooperative system. We impact the world just as much as the world impacts us. As such, all policy developed should reflect that, and not just protect people from the world, but also protect the world from the impact of people. This is why we develop sustainable clothing, family programs, risk at youth events, or become employed by municipal collectives which help promote and refine rural development issues and solutions. Policy is important because it will shape our lives now and down the road.

The travesty of this "policy" is that the township is on it's own recognisance. There was no recommendation made to the town, no changes were made to the way things are working, and the policy was to extinguish the "problem" without even studying it. To be honest, bears were just doing what bears do- eating the easiest food they can find. Maybe it's time to review the idea that the problem is.... hum (wait for it...) anity. At the time, the bears had not endangered anyone, no attacks had been reported, they were simply too used to eating the food we left in bear-sized snack containers (read: garbage bags) out in the open for them. This is not policy, it's entrapment.

The news article above references other work sites- temporary living quarters which house many people which use bear proof garbage containers, to prevent just such a problem. This shows that within this company, safety of inhabitants and responsibility to this site within a wild area had been considered before implementation of this temporary site.
Boggling. My guess is that because the people living there would be under the responsibility of the company while housed there, these companies endeavor to make safety the foremost concern because they will be held accountable by unions, families and co-workers if something bad should happen.

I do understand that perhaps these bears could not be saved. I understand that this rural area may be less familiar with bear issues than the mountain municipalities such as Hinton, Jasper and Banff. I understand that when I visit Jasper and I HOPE to see a bear, I want it to be while I'm safe, and I don't want to be lunch. But I do also understand that this issue was not the bears fault, and it makes me shameful to be Albertan at this time, to know that we aren't protecting our natural resources like wildlife better.

Falling off the Wagon

2009-09-16T19:36:00.003-06:00

So it's sort-of the third week of school, and I have been less than stellar at keeping my promise to myself to blog at least once a week. There are several reasons for this, including an unexpected class, and the attempts to concentrate on school as opposed to other things. But even in the midst of this, I am constantly thinking of things I should, could, would blog about if I could. So I think it would be beneficial for me to list all the things I have wanted to blog about, so that I can grab one off the list and just write.

1) Examples of bad policy: Bears in northern Alberta put down because they were dependent on an unfenced landfill for food
2) Review of Human Ecology from a femenist perspective: a "Why and how" discussion of how male dominated society may have impeded the growth of the scientific philosophy.
3) Inclusion and Exclusion: Akward moments in classes or events
4) My workout partner: An exercise in self control
5) Getting things done: My exploration in accomplishing things I need to do.

All right. So. My next order of business. I am trying so hard to be an understanding person, to accomidate others. I don't like people who railroad others, and don't want to be one of those people. I am however quite frustrated when a person refuses to try anything new, or causes themselves undue stress based on a new situation before the situation even occurs.

As it happens, when I do personality tests, when you get to the part about "openness to new experiences" I have almost no opposition to this. I think this was a concious decision based on the gross feelings of failure I endured when I failed a swimming class as a kid because I was terrified of the high diving board. It has caused me to basically review all those experiences out there: crazy, boring, useless, invigorating, harsh, hilarious, whatever I may preconceive them to be, and basically ask: Will this kill me? If the answer is "No" then I pretty much jump in. Do I love public speaking? Not a chance. Will it kill me? No. This explains why I have recently agreed to be the MC at a friends wedding, and have added this to my list of things to prepare for in the next month. (Luckily, I am actually taking a course which basically teaches public speaking and I have plenty of time to prepare, so I am not too worried.) I do however find my particular openness creates a lack of empathy for those who do have fears which I deem irrational and therefore... dumb. It's not that I don't have fear, it's just that I found that the more I allow the fear to manifest, the more likely it is that the fear will actually become the impediment to my success. When you thrust this small unfounded fear aside and plunge through these experiences, even if you don't love it, at least it will be over.

When I was in High School, you only had to take one physical education class to graduate. I took the shortest class. My gym teacher, a sad, older, pretty much verified alcoholic man gave a spiel at the beginning of the term. "This is an art school. This is Gym 10. You probably are taking this class so that your gym career is over, forever. Here's the deal. I know you hate gym. You know you hate gym. We change sports every two weeks. If you like the sport- you get to do it for two weeks. If you hate that sport, you'll only have to do it for two weeks. I don't expect you to be a superstar, I expect you to show up, change clothes, and try. If you do that most of the term, you'll get a decent mark." This is how I approach pretty much everything I am not in love with. Even if I don't anticipate a great time, all I have to do is dig in and finish, and then it will be done. I don't understand how avoidance and fear can really assist anyone in their life advancing. I also have understood from a very early age that you have to work for what you get, so you should always expect to have some icky bits in life in order to really enjoy the good stuff. In the words of The G.irl Next D.oor "The juice is worth the squeeze".

Really, this blog entry isn't about me trying to educate anyone but myself. Can anyone provide some insight on this? Help me see from the other side, so I can understand the fear and in that way be more supportive to people who feel this way, because I honestly don't get it. I have always been a feet first type of girl, I eat the worst part of the meal so I can savour the good parts.

Flummoxed.

The fun of creating

2009-09-05T22:59:00.004-06:00

So. Today I worked with one of my FAVORITE people on a project that I have been putting on hold for various reasons ALL summer. Me and R, my sewing partner (and guru, because she's WAY better than I am) toiled away in an unused lab at school starting to carve out the fabric flowers for her wedding. This involves a lot of really fun things- tonnes of fabric, beads, glue, hot glue, small gardening sticks, wire, metal beads, all sorts of stuff.

It was incredibly cathartic to work on something which is completely not related to "school". We used an entire day to create things which were for a purely fun purpose.

We only made a few demos, to really cement the style, and then spent the rest of the day doing all the icky work- the cutting and sizing, so I don't have any pictures to show you.

The really fun part was spending time with someone else who has as much passion for creating as I do. While doing all the grunt work, we also talked about fun stuff- how fabulous these things would look, and what my dress will look like (and how I have to make time to sew it in the next month... gulp) and what her dress will look like (still unfinished by her dressmaker when she moved home from her parents house in Vancouver this summer).

Sometimes it's just nice to talk and toil, and feel connected to your part of the world.

Agency. On it's knees.

2009-08-31T18:16:00.003-06:00

I am reminded how lucky we are. I am worried about school and being too busy to pay proper attention to my cats and house. Then I hop from "susies big adventure" to a blog she reads, Coolred where a woman is desperately trying to buy tickets for her and her family to come to the US. She was finally able to divorce her husband and obtain custody of her children. Horray right? Oh, wait, it was because she found out he was abusing her daughters. Not what I would call a lucky break. This is a woman who has been down, been out, but is still willing to stand up for herself, and use what agency she has to bring her family together. Her story is sad, and the only silver lining is that she is now seeing a possible end. I may be in school, I may have gotten laid off. I may not have all the clothing I want, love, and dream about. But I am safe. I am loved. I am fed emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I am home. So I sent her some money to get her there too. This is not the same situation as the prince of nigeria that e-mails you every week. This is a blog which has been running for years, and she finally has a chance to be happy. If you feel like you need a jolt of perspective, even if you have no money to spare, pop over to her blog and wish her well. Please feel blessed when you look at your life.

Just Came Home From Camping!

2009-08-30T21:47:00.004-06:00

Ha Zah! I return from Jasper, ready to take on new school heights. I am sharing some photos which I have edited to mimic some of the 70's-esque over exposed photography which is becoming more popular. Please provide feedback wether this endeavor is positive or icky. Be blunt! I love feedback!

I got an e-mail inviting me to participate in a self directed class where another student and I problem solve a bit with a real problem: nurses in the OR who get chilly, and how to keep them warm with textiles products without putting their patients in danger of cross contamination, etc... maintaining comfort within a technical construct! My brain is whirring a mile a minute!

But that was after Jasper. Jasper was pure tranquility. Perfect weather! Delicious home made food! Wonderful company!

I missed my little cats. But it definitely put the end of the month on a high note, I am in high gear to get back to school!

Hipster: Friend or Foe?

2009-08-21T08:25:00.007-06:00

OK. So these pictures have NOTHING to do with this entry. I just like them.

My main goal in my Human Ecological journey....
No. Scratch that. My pipe dream when I'm done school is to work for some awesome forward thinking Canadian design company (I lean towards technical outerwear, but anywhere awesome would be amazing). After a few years I would like to open my own store, based around the idea of clothing for good people- clothes that don't suck. Ethical, environmental, stylish, and fun. That may or may not include designing a line myself, it may simply be finding a few lines which make me smile and offering fit tailoring and a personal shopping experience with the price of the goods. (To clarify: I think most "sales associates" are worthless, I think a personal shopper trying to meet your needs and be your slave for an hour is priceless).

Since Fashion is kindof a big part of having a clothing store, I feel the need to address the idea of Hipster. A friend of mine (Clever Monkey... my special special friend who I love and adore but often disagree with) has recently blogged about how she bites her thumb at the hipster trend. The style (bright, eclectic, geek chic, ironic, scarf laden, and weird) that goes with the attitude (pretentious, haughty) is what she addresses. She also mentions that most are in vehement denial of being a hipster.

Flashback: Im 18, I've just come back from South America and mended fences with one of my best friends "L" who was sad at me for leaving her behind.... In my absence she has become this shellacked version of herself: the blonde is blonder, the flared pants are tighter, the belly piercing is still fairly fresh. And she utters the words "I'm not a Choch, I dress like a Choch, but I'm nice."

Choch was the late 90's Hipster... it was the dressed like J-Lo, clean cut favorite Friends character look. The application of a label to the popular style of the time is inevitable. With it, there is usually the generalization of the attitude carried by the worst and (sadly) most "popular" people who adhere to this style. As such, people who find themselves drawn to this style feel the need to distance themselves from the application of that label.

Who wants to be judged by appearances alone? Hipster= buying rich and weird clothes+expensive messy hair+ nasty attitude... It doesn't add up. A person is not contained solely in their clothes. I know that the people I go to school with who dress as "hipsters" are for the most part really awesome people. And I know that my dear friend L was and always will be an amazing girl, Choch or not... Why should someone eschew all popular convention just to impress upon the public that they are a nice person? Most people feel like the odd one out. Many do not have memories of being the cool kids in school, and the negative feelings of being on the other side of the fence tend to make people view trendy clothing as a signifier of not belonging, of how they differ from the crowd. So I think for many, popular=negative because of previous experiences with 'the cool crowd'. I disagree. Those who dress as hipsters are doing so 1) because they like the clothes 2) because the clothes help accent their personality 3) because most stores are trafficking clothes which qualify as hipster. Sometimes you buy what fits, what is available, and hipster is here. It's the Hannah M.ontana brand in Wal-M.art, and everywhere from Urban O.utfitters, XXI, A.ritzia, it is difficult to locate a store which is completely void of Hip... (unless you go into places your Grandma thinks are cool). My theory is that a large population of hipsters are just trying to avoid nakedness....

The fear that the homogenized label will take away from a persons personal choice to express themselves causes many to delve as deeply as possible into the image- striving for wider and weirder breadth of Hipster. Because as the old adage says- go big or go home! In Orange County that refers to pool or breast size. In the 80's it refered to Flock of Seagulls hair or your lapels or pants pleats. In the 90's it referred to your rave pants, or how low your hiphuggers were. Now its thick geek glasses and skinny jeans. Instead of throwing stones, why not address ones own image and try to accent it to the max? Why not indulge in your appearance everyday? Why would you not want to appear the utmost YOU that YOU can be? Who doesn't want to belong, to mesh well with their chosen crew of friends? I honestly don't think its fair to take issue with the hipster because it is only a label, and the semiotic link to a negative attitude perception is really assigned by the viewer. If only reviewing the label of 'hipster' as a reference to the clothing style, then you are challenged to judge the person as a person... Like your mom would want you to. Additionally, since prejudging the hipster as a nasty group of rich trendsters is not very nice either, isn’t the whole concept a bit... hypocritical? What if they see you as a WASP, a jock, or a hipster wanna-be (ie: oh gosh you own a scarf). Why can’t we just all get along!?!

I have one pair of slim (not skinny) jeans, a few cardigans, and many scarves. My husband wants to buy some thick rim geek chic glasses. If that makes us hipster, or trendy sheep, or whatever... I can’t say I’m disappointed. I’m not heartbroken by it, because it means I am attuned to the current undercurrent of fashion, and I hope that I stay that way, since my livelihood depends on it. I think anyone who disregards an entire gaggle of people because of perceived attitude is absolutely absurd and prejudiced. People all fit into a genre, even if you buy into an alternative vein- be it Goth, Rock n Roll, or boring old Eddie Bauer chic, you fit somewhere, and to deny others the right to fit somewhere without a fair shot at being a nice person is absolute bullox. I dress for the most part in t-shirts and jeans, and thats not likely to change until I’m done school. I am drawn to many different avenues of appearance- I love the clean lines of J. Crew, I am an avid camper so cargo pants and tanks are also up my alley. I like tattoos and piercings and the punk look. I also think the hipster look is fun and eclectic, and easily achieved with second hand clothes... which I love! Perhaps I need to do a social experiment and track peoples behavior in each of these looks, and define myself by how much disdain or love I receive from people. Heaven forbid I be afforded the right to wear what I want to when I want to, and be awesome all the time.

I love design in teams.

2009-08-13T23:35:00.003-06:00

I love to design in teams, unfortunately, you don't always get the chance. Talking with some girlfriends today we discussed how having someone to work off of is really important. They will call you on your rotten ideas, and help suss out your great ones. Or, as is the case for me, they will bug me to get to work because I procrastinate way too much. I just think team work is really important for making functionality or success of a project well rounded, not just catered to the very whim of the designer... What do you think?

I got to design a project FOR someone recently, and it was an eye opening experience. Making sure communication was clear (I drew plans, she got to build it) was really quite difficult. Her project did come out really clean and fresh, I'll see if I can get some pics to post of it, but it was tricky.

Additionally, here is my latest design portfolio peice... It's all due tomorrow, but I actually like this project. Since I love teams and feedback, feel free to get me into a frantic jig fixing things if you have any commentary.

Brevity. Project Photos. Horray!

2009-08-06T16:20:00.003-06:00

This post is just to prove I can be brief. Here is some logo stuff I have been working on in my Design class. I have a LOT of work to do, but this stuff so far was fun.

So we're not all Doc Brown...

2009-08-05T17:49:00.010-06:00

The term inventor conjures images of gurgling heated pyrex, large blinking lights on daunting ray-gun shaped apparatus, and the mad scientist hovering in his secret underground lead-lined lab.

As delicious as that concept may be, it is unfortunately quite far from the truth. Inventors are people who see a problem, and find a solution. Often the invention is not even a product in and of itself, but a bridge between the user and the original solution which often has a very difficult interface. Not everyone realizes that simple problem solving is the same as invention. This can be a lucrative endeavor, spiritually, emotionally as well as (hopefully) economically. Even if no money is made, your spirit will be exercised by the simplification of things in the world. Work towards good. Make things better. Not that hard! (right?)

THE HE PERSPECTIVE:
Human Ecology touts invention as a centrifugal force behind bettering ones environment. I think part of what makes an inventor is the unification of self: if you have control of your mental, physical, spiritual, and social environments, you will be better able to integrate your whole wealth of knowledge and find solutions to share with others. Even going back to the historical figures of Human Ecology, Ellen Swallow Richards put forward the idea that "no Board of Health can separate the physical nature of man from his moral and intellectual parts." (Human Ecology: A View of the Issues, xiii) If you replace "Board of Health" with anything really- no business, no philosophy, no external framework....(blah blah). I think that it goes without saying that although this seems like a common sense statement, this is not how most of the world approaches problem solving, not to mention life, and leisure. When you unify your self, you can accomplish more, by thinking like a full well rounded person.

SIDE BAR:
I am not sure what I think about this to the full extent, because there's so much that people do which is counterintuitive to this, which could be perceived as successful or not. For instance: people skip their spiritual attention when on vacation, or simply because they choose to eschew all spiritual intelligence, mistaking spiritual awareness with a need to be religious. When pampering themselves physically or emotionally, or working a lot, many people allow their spiritual selves to be ignored for convenience sake. Conversely, when trying to grow spiritually, many different belief systems tout fasting to allow for clarity or attention to only the internal self, shutting out the physical realm. While working the grind, people put their personal lives aside, their social life is forgotten because they choose to exert that effort into career development (which is likely subject to the law of diminishing returns). This career commitment is often revered by management (although not usually echoed by them, shocking....), but often the actual monetary rewards are negligible for the individual, and without extensive career advancement being possible, this effort may not be beneficial.
But I digress... Theres just so much to think about!

Back to Invention:
Needless to say, I like to be a problem solver. I think everyone has that potential. I have included lists and links of things which I think prove that we are all capable of bettering this world.

Things that prove that everyone desires to invent/problem solve:
The natural good feeling you have when you clean your house top to bottom
The number of things you can do with a rubber band
The vast number of paperclips which are not used for their intended purpose (80%)
The amount of things shown on DragonsDen that actually make sense

Solutions which make me happy:
Silver infused cleaning products which allow me to clean without chemicals (go Norwex!)
My uncles bent handle knife which allows arthritic seniors to butter their own bread (way to go Neil!)
Clothing drafting processes which standardize shape/fit so that everyone can design things
Ipods, computers, and all the engineering that helps me not break them into pieces with my rough treatment

Solutions which make me laugh:
All those weird infomercials selling bra strap do-hickeys or hair lifting apparatus'
Plug in Lawnmowers (how long did it take them to think of the battery charged kind?)

"Solutions" which make me sad:
Dumping things into the ocean
Not recycling
Cultural segregation and misinformation

Ok. I've said enough. (A couple of times). Try to think of something which needs to be solved, and how you can think about it outside the box... not necessarily solve the problem, even just pass it along to someone else who might have the agency to bring about a solution...

I don't always understand.

2009-08-02T23:14:00.004-06:00

A year after apologizing for our ill treatment of first nations people, Canada's government continues to ignore simple requests for adequate facilities.

http://intercontinentalcry.org/attawapiskat-state-of-emergency-ignored/

Does anyone else find this yucky, y'know... if you have a heart?

And I will take door number....

2009-08-01T12:54:00.007-06:00

Making your choices in a manner that benefits you.

Agency. The final frontier. The ability to feel in control of your situation to the point of knowing how to take steps to adjust your path if needed.

Agency is a huge issue in poverty, policy, fashion, career choices, living situations.
The woman who is in an abusive relationship thinks she cannot stand on her feet without him.
The employee who attempts to institute fresh ideas who is impeded by the old-boys club mentality.
The family on welfare (or a tight budget of any kind for that matter) buys all canned and frozen groceries from Wa.l -mart because they can buy clothes and other things there also, and don't want to take a separate bus to a market with fresh food.
The clothing industry produces most garments in the third world in questionable factories.
Overweight people who eat poorly because they like these foods, or don't exercise because it's hard.
People work jobs which take them far from their loved ones, far from their passion, in order to provide the standard of living they believe is necessary for "happiness" (the 2 days they're home every two weeks).

All examples of people who HAVE choices, but really feel like they are stuck.

I live downtown. I am surrounded by examples of people who feel like they have no agency over their situation.
The homeless sit on the street begging, and people say "there are so many organizations developed to help them". And there are. Institutions ready to give a hand up to someone willing to make change. They assist agency. So why do the homeless remain an issue at all? The homeless man feels embarrassed at his appearance, angry at his inability to control his addiction, proud that he can at least self sustain by begging rather than becoming dependent on someone else's charity. Or, sadly, some don't want to end their addiction, or it's grasp is just too tight.

But why throw stones. We all have things we like or dislike about ourselves.

It seems like the more you think about it, the more you realize- there's help out there for everyone, if you really want to change things in your life. I mean- reality television is full of self help, as long as you're willing to subject yourself to a bit of humiliation too (see Pretty Wicked on Fashion. Those girls have PROBLEMS). If not, there's hope for you yet, even if that help only comes from adjusting your attitude:

I felt like I did not have control of my academic understanding of human ecology. I have started a blog to review it's relevance in my life. In addition, it allows me to share some of my best (and worst also, I'm sure) moments with people I know.
I felt like I did not have control of my food consumption, my allergies were beginning to control me. My husband and I now eat home made food every day, and I buy groceries on the weekend and prepare a big Lunch Soup for the week. This also made it a lot easier to budget as we stopped buying takeout from school and work.
I felt like I was not being active, both socially and from a physical perspective. I set up a weekly coffee date with some of the truest friends I have ever known, even if we had lost touch. I got rid of my downtown parking space, and now park down a giant hill which I walk up and down every time I need my car. This makes me acknowledge what an amazing greenspace Edmonton has in the river valley, and also makes me consider how much I need to use my car a lot more carefully. (Walking is Rad. My view of the city parks is amazing).

I find that the more I take control of little things that matter to me, the more I am exposed to additional perks and benefits that are just along for the ride. The JOY of being at ease with who I am, and that at least in little ways I am attempting to better myself, learn from things. It makes accepting my flaws that much easier.

I want to make a lot of my own clothes; I find I put it on the back burner, because the rest of life has me busy busy busy. I know that would make me a lot more at ease with the ethical clothing issue. One course last year had us watching a documentary about a little chinese 14 year old girl who snipped threads off jeans for less than a dollar a day. I sometimes discuss with friends as a joke, "oh, little Bei Lei didn't finish my jeans, she only gets $0.06/hr now". And then my laugh turns into a wry smile and my stomach churns, that my western culture has progressed to where a $10.00 shirt is more important than someone else's living situation. Yes, they are across the world, but I am the one supporting that notion, because I am cheap and I am not taking agency over my stance on the issue. I am part of the problem.

So maybe that will be my next endeavor for personal change. If I didn't sew it myself, or buy it from a second hand store, it should be ethical. I know NICE (New, Innovative, Concious [eco], Ethical) clothing exists! American Ap.parel produces in America and pays decent(ish) wages, so I'm on board. Sure most company's have an ethical standpoint on their website, but it usually reads like a plausible deniability smoke screen. "we strive to ensure our workers receive adequate pay and appropriate benefits, upholding the labor laws of the specific country in question" ("strive" means when they visit and talk to the workers, if they say they get paid "X" and get "X" days off, it's all roses even when employees know they're forced to lie or be fired). This bothers me so much, I subscribed to e-mails from a global union support website newsletter which advises what factories are really up to, which country governments are in cahoots with manufacturers to try to discredit or destroy unions. In some situations (more often than I'm comfortable knowing about) people die for the right to get paid enough to live. What a disgrace! Go to maquilasolidarity.org to learn more about the insane things which occur in the name of a cheap sports bra.

What do you guys think? Is it possible to change this world we live in? Does boycotting certain brands you know have breached your personal limits do anything? What about letter writing, or do you think people should show support through monetary support of NICE clothing to get their message across?
What about places like http://www.izzylane.com/
They rescue sheep and make clothes that are sooooo cute.
Barring me being allergic to wool, I would absolutely love this clothing.
Should we all start to think, live, eat and play NICE, and the corporations will follow?

Gorgeous Weekend

2009-07-29T17:51:00.009-06:00

Hello! So. We went CAMPING. Here is a delicious picture of my darling red car, and other precious moments of our trip. My car made it all the way to the mountains without looking like garbage, and still looks really good. We ran off to enjoy our small little weekend before my design class started.

We managed to get the car packed after our trip in a way that allows us to (gasp) go camping with minimal packing in the back seat- most of our camping gear is in the trunk, which we never use. This is a perfect example of applications of Human Ecological thinking to everyday issues. Why work if you are not able to do what you enjoy? DH (darling husband) and I enjoy getting into a tent and cooking over a stove, and have made it infinitely easier at this time! Working to live is a big deal, and by making it easier to get on with living is a huge part of the struggle. So setting ourselves up for success means we are more likely to throw some bananas and tortillas in the backseat and run off for the weekend. Go us!

And why wouldn't you want to get away? Even though we were relegated to the overflow campsite, I can say it was amazing. You may be thinking: but overflow is just a big boring field. We were able to find our own spot, we had access to washrooms, we had already brought our own water, and I think the pictures show that this was not just a boring field.... Can I say "Boom, Roasted" for only having to pay ten bucks to camp?

Saturday, when we went into Jasper for a quick trip to pick up essentials (chocolate, ice, etc) we saw a bear in our rearview mirror. We turned the car around and scuttled back down the road to see if we could get a better look. Unfortunately, little brown bear had run back into the bushes. *tears* That evening we saw a natural light show with some amazing lightening.

Sunday afternoon, we packed up our goodies and set out to go home. Ahead of us on the road, a truck was going quite slowly. Driving up, I saw a bear running into the brush, and was so excited to at least get a flash of it, but sad that we didn't get a picture. Then DH pointed out that the second bear had not yet vacated the premises...

We got fabulous pictures of a berry hungry little black bear (Get it? Berry hungry? Very Hungry? Did I mention I love puns?). Five feet from our car, we were as close to real nature as we could be.

Which leads me to thinking: what is our natural environment? We are told by parks attendants not to interact with bears and other wildlife. That we will take them away from their own natural existence. Where are we from, what exactly is our natural existence if not within the natural constructs our surroundings provide us? Why have we moved so far away from this natural existence? Is this why we yearn to go back to this world? And what does it say that our mere presence in this natural state can be so disruptive to the other inhabitants, like bears?

Troublesome.

An attempt to be "Green"

2009-07-25T00:26:00.006-06:00

Ok। I won't lie. As a burgeoning human ecologist, I am exploring exactly what that means to me. In the frequently greenwashed North American market, what kind of niche can my skills fill? Who do I want to become, what do I want to represent. Human ecologists fundamentally feel that education provides people with the agency to better their lives and the lives of others. They strive to provide sound scientific evidence of these improvements so that the education is validated. Research, Education, and Facilitation seem to be at the core of their mindset. I think. (so I've kindof gathered from three years of human ecology schooling.) But what does it really MEAN? So this blog is to record my efforts- I am enabling others and myself to improve our surroundings. Or something like that. I like money. I like being environmentally sound. Often those things go together: use less gas, don't go on vacation (airline travel makes your carbon footprint span the globe), turn off the lights. Often those things don't: buy a hybrid, or newer less gas guzzling vehicle, pay for carbon neutralizing credits (Balancing out those nasty Mexico flying miles...), replace your furnace... This makes me scream for moderation. Where does this go? How does a normal person, who doesn't have the money of A.l Gore manage to be somewhat responsible, without also becoming the victim of the current financial crisis by blowing their money on Soy this and Hydro that, Eco Whatchyamacallims and Green Shenanigans ? Well. For starters... Today I washed my car with just water, and a terry rag. Shocking. For all you grease monkeys out there, jumping up and down at the thought of me not waxing, buffing, chrome detailing my car with the love and attention similar to that of a russian mail order bride, let me set your mind at ease. I drive a 2007 Pontiac Wave. It's not a work of art, it's a car. It wasn't that dirty, it got a lovely chemical infused full on wash after winter, getting rid of all the scary salt and grime that would potentially rust (? ha, sure) all of it's hard plastic pieces. My thoughts: 1)Good outside fun. Cold Water. Hot day. Sunshine (30 degrees, which NEVER happens here!). I got to see steam rise off the roof when I washed it... that is not normal in E.dmonton! 2)Saves me $20.00 or all of my hard earned Esso extra points, when it really is calling for rain tomorrow... Especially when I'm going camping, so the highway drive will likely mess this wash up anyways. 3)Brings me appreciation of those people who detail cars, or the machines that wash them 4)Doesnt expose me and my family and everyone else in the area to all the weird junk in the suds at the gas station I'm not going to say I will never wash my car at a car wash again. Im not going to say that it was super easy, or that it was the CLEANEST looking car ever. sometimes I had to wash and rinse the side three times before the streaks were gone. But the car looks awesome, I saved the planet a bit of junk, I saved ME some money, and I got a small amount of vitamin D... If I had kids, I would say this is a great way to spend time with them with some super soakers... kids love pretty much everything to do with water, sunshine, and you.. So yeh. Go ahead. Tell people its to "Save the planet a little" when really you're just a big cheapo. Hmm. That may have been a slight segue. But I'll get back to my holistic approach to life and how it works with my profession later. Mainly, I just have to stop talking.